There are some friends that you know are real and that you love unconditionally, but there are some that come into your life act like they are your best friend but in reality they couldn’t care less about you, the sad truth is this happens more often than it should, we always have them friends that we can count on whenever we need them, who make us laugh so much that we cry, but sometimes you get the friends that are considered ‘fake’ and this can cause there to be a lot of drama and toxic friendships.
It’s hard to find out who your real and fake friends are sometimes, its hard to admit that someone could be a fake friend, but the truth is once you find out who your real friends are and cut out the toxic ones, you’ll be a lot happier and content with your life.
1) They tend to disappear when you need their friendship the most
Ever really needed someone, just for a chat but it feels like they don’t really want to be there? You could be having a really hard time and just need someone to make you feel better and most of the time you’d go to your friends. Normally, the ones that care about you a lot will stick by you and listen to what you have to say, but some will often disappear at the first sign of you needing help.
This is sometimes often a sign that they’re a ‘fake’ friend, because normally if you need help or someone to talk to they will offer a helping hand rather than walk away when you need them the most, friends look out for each other, they don’t turn their backs on one another when things get tough.
“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
-Walter Winchell
2) They might always seem to want something from you
As harsh as it is, quite often friends use each other, have you ever felt like your friends just hang around with you because they want something? This could be anything like money, favours, access to your social circle, free rides to places, free stuff or quite simply just wanting to hang around with you because everyone else they know is busy.
However, this sometimes is not the case, but more often than not if you think your friend is a fake one you will notice they have more specific interest in your life rather than your achievements and how you’re doing, they’ll care more for the fact you have lots of money or you have a car. Real friends would be proud of what you’ve achieved and wouldn’t just expect everything to be free. Your friends should be your friends because of who you’re not what you have.
3) They will always bring you down
Most of the time, if you spot a fake friend, it will be the fact that they constantly bring you down. Fair enough, friends have ‘banter’ with each other, but they never do it to hurt each others feelings, its just a joke. But when you start noticing your friend is belittling you on the regular or making you upset then you know that they are not a good friend. They could say hurtful comments, or perhaps tell you that you won’t go anywhere in life, because they’re jealous.
This can often be a problem, but sometimes it isn’t fair for them to dump all their negativity on you either, even though you’re supposed to help your friends, but if they’re constantly feeding you all their problems than it can really affect how you feel and quite often you could feel like you’re being used as an emotional punchbag. Real friends will always make you feel better and always be there to put a smile on your face.
4) They won’t listen to you
One major sign of a fake friend is that they’re extremely egocentric. Everything is always about them, do you ever feel like they don’t listen? Do they just go on their phone while you’re talking, or try and change the subject so its more focused on them? Then this could be a sign that they have no interest in what you’re saying, they have no interest in how you feel or what you have going on, they don’t want to hear you talk about it.
A fake friend never absorbs what you said in the first place, so they have no way of remembering anything you chat about. More importantly, they just don’t care, so they will rarely ever mention anything you said in the past. A real friend should listen to what you say, even perhaps make notes of your favourite things, this should be effortless for a real friend. They don’t really have an interest in your problems and will often ‘fake smile’ to make it seem like they care.
“Be very careful of who you share your problem with, remember that not every friend that smiles at you is your best friend.”
-Kemmy Nola
5) They see your needs and wants as a nuisance
Does your friend guilt trip you or seem hesitant every time you want something? Do they dismiss your needs and treat them as a secondary of their own? Does it ever seem like the things you want are optional and unnecessary, but the things your friend wants are always justified?
Fake friends don’t take needs seriously, they will often just shrug of what you’re going through and change the subject to something to do with them. Your needs are not really critical in their agenda, they would hardly address your needs at all, since they mostly seem a ‘nuisance’ to them. They won’t show any gratitude to you or be proud of what you’ve achieved. For a real friend, fulfilling the needs and wants of both people in the friendship is a part of fun. Giving and receiving are equally important.
Whats the difference between a fake friend and a real one?
Lots of people who have gone broke or lost their good health will tell you they found out who their ‘real friends’ were after the misfortune. Fake friends don’t stick around when you have nothing left except yourself, most of the time its because they didn’t want to actually be your friend, its because they wanted something you had. This can be known as a toxic friendship, no one ever deserves to be used by someone they thought actually cared about you, it’s best to cut these people out.
To determine whether someone is a real of fake friend has little to do with how well you get along with them or how long you’ve known the person. Many times, people who you might not even consider to be that close to you can come out of nowhere and help you in times of crisis, whilst someone you’ve known for your whole life can abandon you.
Avoid the people who say they won’t be nice or respectful to someone unless they ‘earn’ it. Be suspicious if they expect some kind of loyalty from you simply because they associate with you. This person could easily be a fake friend.
Good friends are good to everyone. When you are a good person, it truly shows.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”
-Jim Morrison
When you find real friends, hold on to them. The fake ones, cut them out because no one deserves that negativity in their lives.
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Journalism Student