1) Your partner is often dismissive of your feelings
A lot of the time when it comes to being in a relationship where gaslighting is playing a massive part, they often feel like they have to be dismissive of the other person’s feelings. Often, makes you feel bad for your decisions or the way you’re feeling in general. They will often make you feel bad because of it and it means that you feel you can’t be honest with how you’re feeling and this, in the long run, can be very hurtful. Often making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong and you’re constantly overthinking. When you’re feeling upset, they will often make you feel worse because they feel that the feelings you have aren’t valid and often make you feel like you can’t struggle. But, in reality, it’s good to be able to speak about how you feel and try to not let them put you down.
It’s important to be able to express your feelings, but quite often, they will make sure to put you down and make you feel bad about it. When you’re going through a relationship and being gaslighted, it can be difficult to actually realise what is going on and to actually be able to understand the traits as a whole, when it comes to having to. They might often say stuff like you’re too sensitive or that you’re overreacting in some ways, make out they know how you’re feeling when in reality they don’t care for it. Make out that you can just let it go and get over how you’re feeling, but that isn’t always the point. They don’t really understand how you’re feeling or what exactly you’re going through and they don’t take the time to understand.
2) They never let you talk during conflict
When it comes to having an argument with them, it can often be that they will make you feel like you can’t have a say and they will keep cutting you off. When it comes to having an argument, it can often be that you feel you’re having arguments and you feel they’re not letting yourself express how you’re feeling. When arguing it can often be a benefit to be able to talk about certain things, during an argument, in a way to solve things. But, quite often, when it comes to having an argument whilst gaslighting is in process, means that you’re unable to speak about how you’re feeling and they will often never let you actually be able to talk about it, in a sense. Making sure to stop you in your tracks, as soon as you bring up anything that relates to them or the reason you’re arguing.
It can be quite hard to be able to go through a relationship, where gaslighting plays a massive part because it means that you’re not able to solve things. Often, being quite difficult to be able to push through it and when arguing quite often, the person doing the gaslighting will make you feel very down. They won’t give you a chance to be able to express your feelings or say what you need to say. When conflict happens, it can be so hard to be able to just talk about how you’re feeling, but quite often, this can not happen at all. Because, when it comes to being gaslighted it means that you will often not be able to really get to the end of the argument or as to why you’re arguing in the first place.
3) They drain you out completely
One of the other traits in a relationship where gaslighting is involved is that it can feel very draining as a whole. When it comes to the relationship overall, it can often make you feel very drained in general because you’re constantly feeling like you’re trying to make things work and trying your hardest, but you’re not getting there at all. Often, feeling like you’re putting so much effort in to try and make things work, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. You can often feel like you’re exhausted due to the fact that you’re going through so much with it, but they’re also making you feel so bad due to the fact they won’t let you talk about how you feel or anything like that. You often feel like you’re really tired around them and when you’re with them, you feel they’re draining your energy.
Sometimes, it’s good to have your own space, but when you’re physically craving time away from your partner, this can be something that can often feel like a bad sign. It can often be that you feel they’re asking too much of you, but they also don’t want to put anything into the relationship, apart from making you feel bad as a whole. When you’re talking to them it can often make you feel quite exhausted and the conversations as a whole can often make you feel very down and drained. As well as feeling like you’re walking on eggshells all the time, feeling worried about what they might say and they might often make you feel scared or awkward in your own home.
4) Always insist you did things you didn’t do
This is quite a big one, because often when you’re in a relationship and gaslighting is taking place, it can often be that they’re insisting you’re doing things that you haven’t. Very much so, putting the blame on you for everything, because in turn, it makes them feel better. But, in reality, it makes you feel like you’re not valid because you’re trying to talk about your feelings and they’re blaming you for things you’ve never even done. The easiest thing for them to do is to be able to get into the habit of blaming you for things because that is the best way for them. Obviously, then in turn makes the individual that is being gaslighted feel bad because they’re being made to feel bad for things they haven’t even done and no one deserves to feel like that.
Putting the blame on someone else is something that many gaslighters tend to do, but it doesn’t help the situation much at all. Because you’re often making others feel bad for saying they’ve done things when that’s far from the truth. But, it becomes something that happens far too much in a relationship where gaslighting is playing a huge part in the relationship as a whole. Making you feel bad for doing these things they’re blaming you for, but in reality, you haven’t done anything wrong. It can be very difficult to be able to push through it and try to ignore the fact you’re being blamed for nothing, but this is definitely a toxic trait that many people that gaslight would do and it can be hard to push aside.
5) Their mistakes become yours
This is another one that can happen quite often and it means that the person that is doing the gaslighting will often get into the habit of blaming the mistakes they make on yourself. But, it’s one of those where they feel like every bad thing they’ve ever done is your fault and they get into the habit of trying to blame you for it all when in reality it isn’t and they can only really help themselves. This is why they often feel they can blame others, so they don’t have to take the actual blame on themselves massively, so instead, they will blame others around them. When it comes to gaslighting in a relationship, often blaming for mistakes is one of the main traits to look out for.
It can be seen as quite malicious when it comes to blaming someone for their mistakes because you’re making someone else feel bad for something they didn’t do. It could often feel like an attack in some ways because the person doing the gaslighting might feel that the person they’re doing it too has wronged or blamed them in the past, so they project that onto them. It’s something that would definitely be seen as a great defense mechanism, even though it isn’t considered a positive trait. It means you’re able to shift the blame onto someone else and not have to worry about feeling bad for it. Making it feel like an easy escape for someone who is gaslighting for definite.
Call 1-800-799-7233 to speak to The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
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Words: Karley Myall