Uncovering the Truth Behind Eating Disorders
What Does the Eating Disorder Recovery Journey Actually Feel Like?
Anorexia Eating Disorder Recovery
Recovery is real, not romantic
Let’s skip the inspirational quotes for a moment.
Because honestly? The eating disorder recovery journey is not always beautiful.
Some days, you feel free. Other days, you feel like you’re falling apart.
It’s not linear. It’s not perfect. It’s not always “healing vibes.”
It’s human.
It’s hard.
And it’s absolutely worth it.
eating disorder recovery symbol
My recovery started with fear, and total resistance
When I began my own recovery journey, I was convinced gaining weight would ruin me.
My disordered mind told me I’d balloon out of control. That people would judge me. That I’d become invisible or irrelevant if I wasn’t “the smallest in the room.”
And to be honest, part of me liked that control. I wore children’s clothes. I thought it was a badge of honour. I felt powerful being tiny.
But the truth? I was stuck.
Lonely. Miserable. Obsessed.
Recovery meant challenging that voice, and that was terrifying.
The shadow side of eating disorders
People often think eating disorders are about food or even vanity.
They’re not.
They’re about safety. Coping. Trauma. Control.
They bring out a dark side that many of us don’t discuss.
For me, I call it “the gremlin.”
It’s not the cute kind, but the 80s horror film kind.
The part of me that spirals into obsession, control, fear, and isolation.
And in recovery? That gremlin doesn’t just vanish.
You learn to recognise, understand, and disarm it with compassion.
Recovery is not a straight line; it’s a rollercoaster.
I used to think recovery would be a neat “before and after” story.
But here’s how it actually feels:
➔ Some days, you’re proud of yourself. You eat what you want. You feel calm in your body.
➔ Other days, you miss the control. You feel triggered. You spiral.
➔ Most days? You’re somewhere in the messy middle.
Recovery isn’t a straight line. It’s more like a squiggle with a few loop-de-loops thrown in.
But if you keep going? You build a new normal.
One where you’re not controlled by food, numbers, or fear.
Understanding Relapse
Relapse doesn’t mean failure, it means feedback
In trauma-informed eating disorder therapy, we talk a lot about curiosity over criticism.
If you slip, it’s not a personal failure. It’s information.
Now, when I notice those old urges or behaviours creeping in, I pause and ask:
➔ What’s going on here?
➔ What’s underneath this?
➔ What do I actually need?
Sometimes the urge to restrict means I feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes the binge means I need rest.
Sometimes the ED voice is just… scared.
Recovery is about listening. And responding with care, not control.
Lessons from Recovery
What I’ve learned (and what I tell every client)
If I could go back and talk to the younger me the girl obsessed with shrinking herself, I’d say this:
Stop trying to disappear. You’re not here to be small.
Recovery gave me more than just a healthier body. It gave me:
➔ Emotional freedom
➔ Real self-worth
➔ Joy and spontaneity
➔ A life full of connection, softness, strength, and silliness
You don’t have to earn love through hunger.
You don’t need control to feel safe.
You deserve to take up space.
Encouragement for the Journey
A note for you (if you’re struggling right now)
The eating disorder recovery journey can feel overwhelming.
You might feel stuck, scared, or like no one gets it.
But I promise you:
➔ You are not alone
➔ You are not broken
➔ You are not “too far gone”
Healing is possible.
And it starts one moment at a time.
Today’s win might be eating the snack.
Tomorrow’s win might be cancelling a weigh-in.
Every small act of rebellion against the ED voice counts.
Recovery isn’t glamorous.
It won’t always look good on Instagram.
But it’s much better than being trapped in that fear, shame, and control cycle.
Every single step forward or back is part of the process.
So, if you’re deep in the journey today:
Keep going.
You’re doing the brave work of coming back to life.
Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a trauma-informed therapist and supervisor based in Canterbury. I support adults and teenagers through eating disorder recovery, body image healing, and trauma recovery. My approach is grounded in lived experience, warmth, and realism. I don’t promise perfection I walk alongside you with honesty, humour, and heart.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Click here to learn more about working with me, or contact me directly for support.
Start Your Healing Journey Today
If you’re ready to take the next step in your recovery journey, I invite you to learn more about how we can work together. Whether you’re seeking guidance or simply have questions, I’m here to support you. Reach out today to begin a path towards healing and empowerment. Together, we can navigate the challenges and celebrate the victories of recovery.
