Building Meaningful Connections
How to Make Friends and Improve Your Mental Health
Friendships as we get older, why it’s more challenging, and how to make it easier.
The Importance of Friendship
Why Making Friends is Crucial for Mental Health
Why making and maintaining friendships gets harder as we age
The challenging landscapes of friendships in adulthood
As we age, many of us share the everyday struggle of making friends and maintaining friendships, which often becomes more challenging. It’s not just the number of friends that changes, but also the quality of the friendships. We have become more aware of our needs, values and morals in friendships, and something else has shifted. This shared experience can make us feel less alone in our challenges.
Shift from school to adulthood.
Why is it more complex to make friends as we age?
Back in school, it was easier to make friends because we were all in the same boat. We had no choice but to get along; some people found it easier than others.
But once school ends, life takes us in different directions. Some of us headed off to university while others took jobs or apprenticeships, and suddenly, the common ground we once shared started to crumble. Friendships drift apart or fade away entirely.
Several factors make new friendships more difficult as adults
- Life changes. People start having babies, moving away, and changing jobs. The shift naturally distances both physically and emotional
- Priority shifts as we evolve, and on both sides, we might find that the friends we want to connect with no longer share the same values or interests
- Toxic friends: sometimes good, we hold onto friendships that no longer serve us, which can drain our energy and make us hesitant to invest in new bonds and relationships.
How do we build and nurture friendships?
Reflects on old friendships.
So many people againstruggle with making friends as adults, and often, it comes down to confidence, low self-esteem, or shyness. These factors can be paralysing, making it hard to start conversations or even to know where to begin.
Do you have old friends who keep popping into your mind, somebody you keep thinking about? Maybe you’ve lost touch, and I’d love to reconnect, but the fear of rejection is holding you back. What is the worst thing that could happen if you reached out? They might not respond, which is an answer within itself. But on the positive side, they might be thrilled to hear from you and lack the courage to reach out.
Josh Grayson
- “True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”
Would you like to make more friends in an area of your interest or hobbies?
Sometimes, reflecting on what you like and don’t like can help you find like-minded people within a particular hobby. While others, like Warhammer go and play once a week with like-minded people, or is it that you join a running group even though deep down you’re worried that no one will talk to you? Sometimes, stepping out of your comfort zone can be one of the most courageous things you can do, showing strength. Being aware of what type of friend you want to attract is essential.
Understanding your values and what you want in a friend is essential before you can attract like-minded friends. Take a moment to think about what qualities you admire in others. Do you want Friends who are active, or is honesty something you treasure? Think about your language of love and what is important to you. Are you more drawn to people who like having deeper conversations over coffee?
Consider taking the strengths and weaknesses questionnaire. I’ll include the link to help you gain insight and understanding of your strengths and values so you can attract friendships that truly add value.
Sometimes, the hardest part is knowing what to say. Here are a few open-ended questions that can spark a connection.
- What’s been the best thing that’s happened this week?
- Did you get into your current job/hobby?
- What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
These questions aren’t about small talk and gateways to open conversations. Remember, if you’re going to ask questions, try to hold excellent eye contact even if you find this difficult, trying to count in your head for 10 seconds. Eye contact and body language are important in helping people engage in conversations. Even if you are neuro-diverse, eye contact can be challenging. Practising this helps Open up many different dynamics and enables you to read people better. We spend much time on our phones, creating a huge disconnect.
Boost your confidence and self-esteem through therapy
Conclusion
Building and maintaining friendships as we grow older is challenging. Still, it’s not impossible. By reflecting on what we truly want in our relationships and being open to reconnecting with different people, whether from the past or having the courage to start new conversations, we can create meaningful, long-lasting relationships. The quality of your friendships matters more than the quantity; it’s about finding people living with your values and making your life meaningful.
Discover your strengths and uncover your weaknesses; find out today
Understanding your strengths and weaknesses can be really beneficial in helping boost your confidence and help build lasting friendships. Self-awareness about who you are as a person can help maximise your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can help Bring authenticity into friendships and create effective communication. Click the link to start your journey into discovering who you are.
Who Am I
Hello! I’m Becky Stone, a qualified therapist based in Canterbury, Kent. With extensive experience in mental health, helping individuals become the best version of themselves.
Ready to start your journey to a healthier you?
Book a free 20-minute informal chat with an experienced counsellor and clinical supervisor specialising in Eating Disorder treatment and therapy in Canterbury, Kent. Let’s work together towards a better version of you. I look forward to meeting you!
