1) Your partner is often dismissive of your feelings
A lot of the time, when it comes to being in a relationship where gaslighting is playing a massive part, they often feel like they have to be dismissive of the other person’s feelings. Often, it makes you feel bad for your decisions or how you’re feeling. They will often make you feel bad because of it, which means you can’t be honest with your feelings, which can be exceedingly hurtful in the long run. Often, it makes you feel like you need to be in the right place and constantly overthinking. When you’re upset, they will often make you feel worse because they feel that your feelings aren’t valid and often make you feel like you can’t struggle. But, in reality, it’s good to be able to speak about how you think and try not to let them put you down.
Expressing your feelings is essential, but they often put you down and make you feel bad about it. When you’re going through a relationship and being gaslighted, it can be challenging to realise what is going on and understand the traits as a whole when it comes to having to. They might often say stuff like you’re too sensitive or overreacting in some ways, making out they know how you’re feeling when, in reality, they don’t care for it. You can let it go and get over how you think, but that isn’t always the point. They don’t understand how you’re feeling or what you’re going through and don’t take the time to understand.
2) They never let you talk during conflict
When it comes to arguing with them, it can often be that they will make you feel like you can’t have a say, and they will keep cutting you off. When it comes to arguing, it can often be that you feel you’re having arguments and think they’re not letting you express your feelings. When arguing, it can often be beneficial to talk about certain things in a way that solves things. But, quite often, when it comes to arguing whilst gaslighting is in process, it means that you’re unable to speak about how you’re feeling, and they will often never let you be able to talk about it in a sense. Could you stop you in your tracks as soon as you bring up anything related to them or why you’re arguing?
It can be hard to go through a relationship where gaslighting plays a massive part because it means that you’re not able to solve things. It is often difficult to push through, and when arguing quite frequently, the person gaslighting you will make you feel very down. They won’t allow you to express your feelings or say what you need to say. It can be hard to talk about your feelings when conflict happens, but this can often not occur. When it comes to being gaslighted, you will usually need help to get to the end of the argument or explain why you’re arguing in the first place.
3) They drain you out completely
One of the other traits in a relationship involving gaslighting is that it can feel very draining. When it comes to the relationship overall, it can often make you feel very drained because you’re constantly feeling like you’re trying to make things work and trying your most challenging, but you’re not getting there at all. Often, you feel like you’re putting so much effort into trying to make things work, but it seems to be doing little. You can often feel exhausted because you’re going through so much with it, but they also make you feel so bad because they won’t let you talk about how you feel. You often feel exhausted around them, and when you’re with them, you think they’re draining your energy.
Sometimes, it’s good to have your own space, but when you’re physically craving time away from your partner, this can be something that can often feel like a bad sign. It can usually be that you think they’re asking too much of you, but they also don’t want to put anything into the relationship apart from making you feel inadequate. Talking to them can often make you feel quite exhausted, and the conversations can often make you feel very down and drained. You also feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, worried about what they might say, and they might often make you feel scared or awkward in your own home.
4) Always insist you did things you didn’t do
This is quite a big one because when you’re in a relationship and gaslighting is taking place, it can often be that they’re insisting you’re doing things you haven’t. Very much so, blaming you for everything because, in turn, it makes them feel better. But, in reality, it makes you feel like you’re not valid because you’re trying to talk about your feelings, and they’re blaming you for things you’ve never done. The easiest thing for them to do is to be able to get into the habit of blaming you for things because that is the best way for them. Then, it makes the person being gaslighted feel bad because they’re being made to feel bad for things they haven’t even done, and no one deserves to feel like that.
Blaming someone else is something that many gaslighters tend to do, but it doesn’t help the situation much at all. Because you’re often making others feel bad for saying they’ve done things when that’s far from the truth. However, it happens far too much in a relationship where gaslighting plays a massive part. Making you feel bad for doing these things they’re blaming you for, but in reality, you haven’t done anything wrong. It can be challenging to push through it and ignore the fact you’re being blamed for nothing, but this is a toxic trait that many people in gaslight would do, and it can be hard to push aside.
5) Their mistakes become yours
This is another one that can happen quite often, and it means that the person who is gaslighting will usually get into the habit of blaming the mistakes they make on themselves. But, it’s one of those where they feel like every bad thing they’ve ever done is your fault, and they get into the habit of trying to blame when in reality it all isn’t; you and they can only really help themselves. This is why they often feel they can blame others, so they don’t have to take the actual blame on themselves massively; instead, they will blame others around them. When it comes to gaslighting in a relationship, often blaming for mistakes is one of the main traits to look out for.
It can be seen as malicious when blaming someone for their mistakes because you’re making someone else feel bad for something they didn’t do. It could often feel like an attack in some ways because the person doing the gaslighting might think that the person they’re doing it to has wronged or blamed them in the past, so they project that onto them. It would be seen as a great defence mechanism, even though it isn’t considered a positive trait. It means you can shift the blame onto someone else without worrying about feeling bad. It makes it feel like an easy escape for someone gaslighting for definite.
Creating a domestic safety plan can be vital in protecting yourself from harm. Please use this link for a safety plan: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/
The National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
For men experiencing domestic abuse and parent alienation, please get in touch with https://www.dadsunltd.org.uk/
ONLINE COUNSELLING IS AVAILABLE. CALL 07510495791 OR EMAIL BECKYWHOCARES1@OUTLOOK.COM
Suppose you’re looking for online counselling or walk-and-talk therapy, whether you’re a parent or looking for your children. If you need it or are a student or struggling, please do not hesitate to contact Becky. You can access contact details here. Check out the website for more information.
To visit my website, click here.
For my Facebook page, click here.
For my Instagram page, click here.
Words: Karley Myall
