Embracing the Imperfect Therapist: Finding Connection in Our Humanity
Discover the beauty of vulnerability and authenticity in therapy, where imperfections are celebrated and connections are deepened.
Introduction
Celebrating Imperfection in Your Therapeutic Journey
There’s an unspoken expectation therapists must always have everything figured out. So often, clients place us therapists on pedestals, assuming we have all the answers. But the truth? None of us are perfect, and we shouldn’t have to pretend to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done this myself. When I went into therapy years ago, I looked at my therapist to let me know what was going on with me. This is an entirely unrealistic goal; this expectation exists amongst colleagues in the mental health industry and is an unhealthy fostering environment where perfectionism is seen as a standard; however, the truth is that none of us is perfect, and we should not have to pretend to be. I consider myself an imperfect therapist, and if I’m honest with you, I take pride in that I’m not here to judge you or claim that I know everything. Instead, I’m there to aim and support you and be alongside you in your journey. We are all human, each with our own stories, experiences, and expectations of challenges that shaped us to be who we are. It’s essential to recognise that therapist also Face their struggles, self-doubts, and moments of gripping vulnerability behind the scenes, and this is something we need to talk about more openly, embracing the imperfect therapist that makes us human with connection to relate to our clients.
Embracing the Essence of Humanity
The Reality of Being Human
Imposter syndrome creeps into many of us in our lives in many ways. Many times, I have clients come and question themselves. Are they good enough, or even my colleagues tell me I don’t feel good enough or I’m not educated enough? Sometimes, I even go through that within my thought process. For me, those doubts have been magnified by ADHD and dyslexia; I remember being stood up in class at the age of 11 years old because I didn’t know my timetable. My teacher made me sing I’m a Little Teapot as punishment for the shame of that moment, which has lingered throughout my years, embedded in a deep belief that not knowing something is unacceptable and deserving of ridicule and embarrassment. The sad thing is I never got my timetable. I didn’t know what they were. This is the first I’ve heard of it.
But as I grew and became a therapist, I realised the immense harm that comes from these unreachable expectations. Perfection isn’t just impossible; it’s damaging. It’s time we, as therapists, create a space where it’s okay to say, “I don’t know” or “I made a mistake.” We need to normalise vulnerability in our profession—not just for our clients but ourselves.
Embracing Vulnerability
The Power of Vulnerability
Showing our human side can feel incredibly risky, and the fear that people may think, what happens if we lose credibility? What if it changes the way our clients appear to view us? Being authentic has been a bridge that strengthens relationships and builds unique foundations of trust. When a client recently asked if my dyslexia helps me understand, I laughed and said it does, and all my emails are full of typos to prove it; I laughed and suggested they get it when my words get jumbled. It’s a shared language of understanding and also the fact that I don’t get it right. I’m not perfect; I’m perfectly imperfect.
Over the years, I have made big mistakes and learned, reflected, and grown from them. Once, I sent a working agreement to a client and was mortified to discover it included an audio snippet from a conversation with my son: “Sweetie, did you have a good day?” and even a cheerful, “Good doggie!” These were meant to be private moments, not embedded in a professional document. Yet when the parent, a proofreader, pointed it out, we shared a genuine laugh. I thanked them for catching it and felt embarrassed and relieved. That simple mistake turned into a moment of connection, reminding me that our human missteps can deepen relationships.
Owning Our Mistakes
The Importance of Accountability
It’s hard to admit that when we’ve messed up, that cringing moment, why your heart is sinking feelings and anxiety that go around in moment making mistakes is awful. One of my biggest mistakes was when I double-booked a client, and they both came simultaneously and were outside the front of my door. I was mortified.
The thought process and the racing mind of how I could’ve let this happen, I’ve learnt these moments don’t define my professional worth; it’s how I handled them. When I make a mistake, I will say how I could handle this differently; shaming myself does not help. I need something other than paperwork diaries. Using a clear and colour-coded electronic platform keeps me bound and on track. With this massive mistake, I was using an electronic platform that helped me to be bound and structured lessons learnt the hard way.
Owning up to a mistake and addressing it with honesty can be powerful. When a client says, “You don’t get it,” I lean in and say, “Teach me. Show me where I missed it.” That’s when accurate understanding and connection happen. Clients don’t expect us to be flawless—they want to know we’re listening and invested in learning and growing with them.
Reflecting on Our Humanity
Embracing Imperfection
Being a therapist can feel like walking a tightrope of confidence and doubt. The pressure on my expectations and insecurities can be overwhelming, but embracing our imperfections doesn’t mean I’m weak or my colleagues are strengthened. It also shows strength. It permits clients to show up authentically and reminds them that they are not alone in their imperfect journeys.
To all of us, therapist clients, and people, it’s okay not to have the answers. Being perfectly perfect is more than enough. Together, we are learning, growing, and redefining what being human is like.
Step into Your Journey: Connect with a Supportive Space for Growth and Healing
Hello! I’m Becky Stone, a qualified therapist based in Canterbury, Kent. With extensive experience in mental health, helping individuals become the best version of themselves.
Ready to start your journey to a healthier you?
Book a free 20-minute informal chat with an experienced counsellor and clinical supervisor specialising in Eating Disorder treatment and therapy in Canterbury, Kent. Let’s work together towards a better version of you.
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