Falling in love with yourself
The most important relationship you will ever have
When was the last time you showed yourself love?
Valentine’s Day is everywhere flowers, chocolates, grand gestures. But what if, instead of waiting for someone else to show us love, we focused on falling in love with ourselves?
For many, self-love feels selfish, uncomfortable, or even impossible. But the truth is, your relationship with yourself is the foundation for every other relationship in your life.
No external validation will ever be enough if you don’t feel worthy, valued, or whole.
The Science Behind Self-Love
Dopamine & Self-Validation
• Our brains crave validation, but waiting for external approval can be exhausting.
• Practicing self-affirmation and self-compassion releases dopamine—the “feel-good” hormone—boosting confidence and reducing anxiety.
The Nervous System & Self-Compassion
• Self-criticism triggers stress responses, activating cortisol (the stress hormone).
• Self-kindness and mindfulness activate the parasympathetic nervous system, calming anxiety and increasing resilience.
Rewiring Thought Patterns
• Neuroplasticity shows we can retrain our brains to think more positively.
• Daily self-love habits can strengthen neural pathways for self-worth and confidence.
Why Self-Love Matters
Too often, we rely on others to define our worth:
✔ “If they love me, then I must be lovable.”
✔ “If they compliment me, then I must be beautiful.”
✔ “If they choose me, then I must be enough.”
But here’s the thing: your worth isn’t determined by anyone else.
When you genuinely love and accept yourself, everything changes:
➔ You stop seeking validation from others.
➔ You set stronger boundaries and protect your energy.
➔ You attract healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
➔ You show up as your most authentic self without fear.
Self-love isn’t about being perfect but embracing yourself, flaws and all.
How to Start Falling in Love with Yourself
Self-love isn’t something you magically wake up with; it’s a practice, a daily commitment to treating yourself with kindness.
Here are small but powerful ways to start:
1. Identify Your Love Language
The 5 Love Languages aren’t just for relationships; they also apply to self-love.
Ask yourself: What makes me feel valued?
➔ Words of Affirmation: Positive self-talk, journaling, daily affirmations.
➔ Acts of Service: Doing things that support your well-being, like therapy or meal prepping.
➔ Receiving Gifts: Treating yourself to something special (without guilt!).
➔ Quality Time: Spending time alone, doing something you love.
➔ Physical Touch: Massages, skincare, stretching, or movement.
2. Ditch the “I’ll Love Myself When…” Mentality
Self-love isn’t a reward you earn when you reach a goal. It’s something you deserve right now, as you are.
➔ Not when you lose weight.
➔ Not when you get the job.
➔ Not when you’re in a relationship.
The time to love yourself is today.
3. Create a Self-Love Ritual
Make time for daily moments of self-care; even 5 minutes can shift your mindset.
Try this:
➔ Morning: Start your day with an affirmation or gratitude practice.
➔ Midday: Take a mindful break, breathe, stretch, or step outside.
➔ Evening: Do something just for you, like journaling, reading, or listening to music.
4. Speak to Yourself Like a Friend
If your best friend was struggling, would you criticise them? No, you’d offer kindness and encouragement.
So why not treat yourself the same way?
➔ Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
➔ Acknowledge that perfection doesn’t exist.
➔ Remind yourself: You are worthy, even when you don’t like it.
Final Thoughts: Love Yourself First
Falling in love with yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
When you love yourself:
✔ You show up for life with confidence.
✔ You attract healthier relationships.
✔ You create a fulfilling life, not just one that looks good from the outside.
Instead of focusing on external love this Valentine’s Day, turn inward. Ask yourself:
➔ What do I need to feel loved today?
➔ How can I show myself kindness and appreciation?
➔ Am I treating myself the way I deserve?
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is one with yourself.
Reach Out for Support Today
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you’re not alone. Proper support and understanding are essential whether you’re a therapist, coach, or personally affected.
If you’d like to explore this further, whether for yourself, a loved one, or your professional practice, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Feel free to drop me a message, or discuss how we can support those who most need it.
