Lost Your Motivation? Here’s What Actually Works (Even When You’re Not Feeling It
When motivation disappears, shame often shows up. But what if it’s not laziness?
What if it’s burnout, overwhelm, and your nervous system begging for something different?
This is your reminder that you’re not lazy, you’re human.
And there’s a better way to get going again, even on the hardest days.
Understanding Bed Rotting: More Than Just Rest
The Loneliness of Bed Rotting: A Silent Struggle
When motivation disappears ➔ here’s what’s actually going on
Have you ever stared at a to-do list and felt completely frozen?
➔ You know what needs doing
➔ You want to feel better
➔ But even sending a text or making lunch feels impossible
That’s not failure.
That’s your nervous system going into survival mode.
When I feel like this, I don’t try to push through anymore. I use one of the only things that’s ever worked for me and my clients:
Three things a day.
➔ One big thing
➔ Two small things
➔ That’s it
It sounds simple, but it’s saved me more times than I can count.
Understanding Your Council Tax Letter
A Real-Life Example: Navigating Your Council Tax Letter
Last week, I’d been staring at a council tax letter for days.
I hadn’t set up the Direct Debit, the final notice had come through, and I felt completely overwhelmed.
➔ I looked at it
➔ I panicked
➔ I avoided it for a week
So I made it my “one big thing” for that day.
And when I finally did it? It took less than a minute.
But the relief was huge.
Not because it was hard. But because my brain had built it up into something unmanageable, and I’d been carrying that invisible weight around for days.
Understanding the Shame of Seeking Help
The Role of Support in Personal Growth
Navigating Neurodivergence
Embracing Different Motivations
Discover the Science Behind Motivation
If you’re neurodivergent, burned out, or dealing with anxiety, motivation doesn’t always work the way it’s “supposed” to.
➔ Your executive function (the part of your brain responsible for planning and initiating tasks) often goes offline when you’re stressed
➔ ADHD can make you dopamine-deficient, which means tasks feel boring, unrewarding, or impossible to start
➔ Trauma, chronic stress, or emotional burnout can push your nervous system into a freeze response
That’s why massive to-do lists don’t work.
That’s why you scroll for hours and feel worse.
That’s why even small tasks feel huge.
And that’s why the three-thing rule works.
It gives you momentum without flooding your system.
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
Bed rotting isn’t laziness ➔ it’s a signal
We joke about “bed rotting” online, but if you’ve ever actually lived it, you know it’s not a punchline.
It’s the quiet paralysis that takes over when your brain and body feel too heavy to move.
➔ You lie there scrolling
➔ You feel guilty for doing nothing
➔ You want to move, but can’t
➔ And that makes the guilt even louder
Here’s what I want you to know:
Bed rotting doesn’t make you weak.
It means your system is trying to protect you from doing “one more thing.”
But rest without rhythm can keep you stuck.
We need tools that gently reintroduce structure, without punishment or pressure.
Rebuilding Trust in Yourself
Three therapist-approved tools that actually help
Here’s what I teach my clients (and use myself):
➔ 1. Use the 3-Things Rule
-
One big task
-
Two tiny ones
Example: Pay a bill, send a text, make a proper meal
It builds confidence and gives your brain the satisfaction of ticking something off.
➔ 2. Use a body double
Ask someone to sit with you while you do something hard, on a call, over text, or even in the room.
This taps into co-regulation, your nervous system calms down when you are with someone else.
➔ 3. Pair tasks with comfort
Soft socks. A hot drink. Background music.
These sensory tools provide your brain with safety and pleasure, which in turn increases your ability to initiate the task.
Final Reflections
Why asking for help is not shameful ➔ it’s human
This one is hard to admit.
Sometimes we feel so ashamed for needing help.
➔ We don’t want to be a burden
➔ We think we should be able to do it alone
➔ We compare ourselves to others who seem to “just get on with it”
But here’s the truth:
Support is not weakness.
Scaffolding creates courage.
And you are absolutely allowed to say, “Can you help me with this?”
If you’ve got ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or just feel like your brain never stops, you’ve likely internalised the idea that you’re “behind” or “not trying hard enough.”
You’re not.
➔ Your brain is just wired differently
➔ You may need reminders, breaks, repetition, and movement
➔ You might need visual tools or written instructions
➔ You might work best at 9 pm or only after eating
This isn’t about forcing you to be someone else.
This is about working with your wiring instead of against it.
For neurodivergent brains ➔ the rules are different
Final thoughts ➔ you’re not the only one
Behind every tidy living room photo is someone who cried on the stairs that morning.
Behind every “productive day” post is someone who might have bed-rotted yesterday.
You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not the only one.
You’re doing better than you think.
And if today all you do is one big thing and two small ones, that’s enough.
➔ That’s a win.
➔ That’s momentum.
➔ That’s recovery.
Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist based in the UK. I work with both teens and adults, offering a calm, non-judgmental space to explore what recovery really means, on your terms.
I specialise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism, and I believe in flexible, shame-free recovery.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about rebuilding a safe relationship with food, with your body, and with who you are.
