When Your Body Feels Like the Enemy
Puberty is a confusing and emotional time for many teens, but for young people who are questioning their gender, it can feel utterly terrifying.
What’s often missed is the link between gender identity, body changes, and disordered eating.
This blog explores that intersection and why restrictive behaviours often appear when identity feels uncertain or unsafe.
Affirmative Therapy
“I Don’t Want to Grow Up Like This”
Some teens begin to restrict their eating not because they want to be thinner, but because they feel unsafe growing into a body that doesn’t feel right.
This might look like:
➔ Panic as hips widen or breasts begin to develop
➔ Shame or confusion around gendered expectations
➔ A desperate attempt to control puberty by eating less or avoiding food altogether
For many, eating less becomes a way to delay or resist the onset of adult physical characteristics. It’s not about vanity. It’s about identity.
Empowerment Through Understanding
Reflective Insights
When Restriction Feels Like Safety
Food restriction often gives a temporary sense of control. It’s a way of hitting pause on changes that feel overwhelming.
Clients have told me things like:
➔ “If I stay small, I don’t have to figure everything out.”
➔ “Maybe if I lose weight, my body will stop changing so fast.”
➔ “I don’t want to look feminine or masculine, just neutral.”
But what begins as protection quickly becomes a prison.
Starving the body starves the brain too, leaving less capacity for emotional regulation, gender exploration, and decision-making.
Why Gender-Questioning Teens Are at Higher Risk
There is growing evidence that transgender, non-binary, and gender-questioning young people are at significantly higher risk of developing eating disorders.
Why?
Disordered eating thrives in environments where there is shame, fear, and identity conflict.
Puberty is one of the most triggering phases, especially when the body starts developing in ways that feel alien or distressing.
If that teen is already neurodivergent or anxious, the risk increases even more.
Understanding Your Journey
Anorexia Isn’t Always About Thinness
Anorexia can become a way to disappear not just physically, but emotionally.
It can be a way to disconnect from a gendered body, to pause unwanted development, or to quiet overwhelming thoughts.
But it also disconnects people from joy, identity, and stability.
The very thing someone is trying to figure out, Who am I?, becomes even harder to access when the body is undernourished and the mind is in survival mode.
You cannot explore identity safely when your nervous system is starving.
Understanding Eating Disorders
You Don’t Have to “Choose” to Heal
One of the biggest misconceptions about recovery is that a person needs to have their gender identity “figured out” before they can get better.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Recovery doesn’t require a final label.
It doesn’t require picking a “side.”
And it definitely doesn’t require conforming to anyone’s expectations of what a body should look like.
Some young people benefit from staying in a neutral space, gently exploring how they feel while also restoring health and nourishment.
You can begin recovery and stay curious about who you are.
My job as a therapist is not to tell someone who they are.
It’s to create a safe space where they can explore that for themselves, free from shame, fear, and physical depletion.
I work with many teens (and adults) who feel unsure of their identity or fearful of growing up.
Some are neurodivergent. Some are navigating trauma. Some are overwhelmed by the expectations placed on them.
Together, we explore:
➔ Why restriction feels safer than growth
➔ How to challenge negative beliefs without pressure
➔ What it means to recover without rushing identity
There’s no “right” timeline for discovering who you are.
But recovery makes space for that discovery to begin.
How I Support Teens in This Space
Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist based in the UK. I work with both teens and adults, offering a calm, non-judgmental space to explore what recovery means, on your terms.
With a background in supporting people through anorexia, binge eating, body image struggles, and identity transitions, I know how complex this journey can be.
I also specialise in working with neurodivergent clients, including those navigating ADHD, autism, or gender identity exploration alongside their eating disorder. Whether you’re still questioning who you are or trying to recover while figuring that out, you’re not alone.
Empowering Change Through Compassion
Understanding the Journey to Recovery
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Take Up Space
If you’re feeling stuck between gender, food, and fear, you’re not alone.
You don’t need to disappear to feel valid.
You don’t need to stay small to feel in control.
And you don’t need to have it all figured out to start healing.
You are allowed to take up space, as you are, right now.
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Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
You don’t need to have it all figured out to get help.
Whether you’re questioning your gender, feeling stuck in your body, or caught in a pattern with food that no longer feels safe, you’re not alone.
I offer non-judgmental, trauma-informed therapy that supports you to feel calmer in your skin and stronger in your identity.
➔ Reach out today to begin your recovery, wherever you are on the journey.
