Finding Balance Amidst Pressure
Navigating the Pressure to Be 'Good Enough'
“Not good enough.” It’s a phrase that lingers in the back of many minds, affecting how we work, care, and rest. In my work as a therapist, I see it in the way people relate to food and their bodies. In her work, Esthefanea notices it in the way people hold themselves to impossibly high standards.
This guest post, Esthefanea explores why that constant striving emerges, the toll it can take on mental health, and how small shifts in perspective can start to make a real difference.
The invisible pressure
Life often teaches us to measure success by output. Jobs, family responsibilities, hobbies, and social expectations create a framework where worth feels tied to achievement.
That pressure can be subtle: an offhand comment at work, a comparison on social media, or the quiet belief that resting is failing. The impact, however, is anything but subtle. Anxiety builds, sleep becomes restless, and small mistakes feel catastrophic.
Even when life appears “normal” on the surface, the body and mind are signalling that the pressure is too heavy.
Embracing 'Good Enough'
The 'Good Enough' Parent: A Model for Self-Acceptance
Strategies for Perspective Shift
The inner critic we carry
Most people have an inner voice that judges, critiques, and measures against impossible standards. It might sound like:
- “You should have done better.”
- “Others are handling this better than you.”
- “You don’t deserve what you have.”
When these thoughts dominate, even small setbacks feel like proof of inadequacy. The mind starts working overtime, replaying every perceived failure and amplifying it. The result is constant mental strain and a persistent sense of “never enough.”
Balancing Life's Demands
Why anxiety shows up
Feeling like you’re never enough often comes with heightened anxiety. The nervous system stays on alert, interpreting “I’m not enough” as a threat. This can cause restlessness, irritability, difficulty sleeping, and that low hum of tension many people feel daily.
Emotional regulation becomes harder because the bar is always moving, and one that can never fully be reached. Even small mistakes can trigger disproportionate stress.
A Path to Self-Acceptance
The psychology behind it
One concept I share with clients comes from Donald Winnicott, a psychoanalyst who introduced the idea of the “good enough” parent. The principle is simple: no one needs to be perfect to be effective or loved. Even parents who make mistakes provide enough care, stability, and attunement for children to thrive.
The same applies to adults managing life’s pressures. You don’t have to do everything flawlessly, be constantly productive, or control every outcome to be enough. “Good enough” is about effort, presence, and allowing yourself space to make mistakes.
Shifting Perspectives for Inner Peace
Transforming Self-Criticism into Self-Compassion
Shifting perspective
While it’s difficult to switch off the inner critic completely, small changes can ease the pressure:
- Notice without judgment: Simply observing self-critical thoughts reduces their control over you.
- Celebrate effort, not just results: Recognise the work you’ve done, even if the outcome isn’t perfect.
- Separate worth from achievement: Your value isn’t measured by productivity or external approval.
- Practice “good enough”: Remind yourself that being human is inherently imperfect, and that’s okay.
Even brief moments of self-compassion can interrupt the cycle of pressure and anxiety and create space for clearer thinking and calmer responses.
Embracing Balance in Everyday Life
Finding balance in daily life
Ambition and growth are valuable, but they don’t have to come at the expense of your mental health. Allowing yourself to pause, reflect, and acknowledge your own effort without immediately moving on to the next task can be transformative.
Feeling “enough” doesn’t mean stopping growth; it means valuing yourself along the way, learning to accept your humanity, and recognising that your worth exists outside of performance.
Charting a New Path
A Way Forward
If you often feel like what you do isn’t enough, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It reflects a pattern of internal pressure that can be recognised and managed.
By noticing these patterns, questioning unhelpful thoughts, and practising small, practical strategies, it’s possible to reduce stress, feel more in control, and approach tasks with confidence rather than constant self-criticism.
At ES Therapy Centre, I support people in noticing these patterns, understanding their impact, and discovering practical ways to feel more grounded, calmer, and confident in their own worth. With even minor changes, it’s possible to step out of the cycle of pressure and start living with a sense that good enough really can be enough. Learn more about the therapy we offer.
Dr. Esthefanea F. Santos
Dr Esthefanea F. Santos is a Medway-based counselling psychologist and founder of ES Therapy Centre. She specialises in supporting adults navigating anxiety, self-worth challenges, and emotional regulation. Her approach is compassionate, evidence-based, and tailored to each person’s experience.
For more conversations like this, you can explore other articles in her blog section or reach out to find out how psychological therapy can help with self-worth and emotional regulation.
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