Embrace Your Worth Beyond the Mirror
We all have that little voice inside our head. For some, it’s gentle and encouraging. For others, it’s cruel and relentless, whispering you’re not good enough, you should look better, why can’t you just be different?
If you’re reading this, there’s a high chance you know that voice all too well. Words you’d never dare say to a friend. Never to your partner. Never to your children. Yet somehow, it feels acceptable to direct that same brutality towards yourself.
The truth is ➔ self-criticism is one of the most destructive habits we can carry. It erodes our sense of self-worth, fuels body shame, and keeps us stuck in shame-based behaviours.
But why do we do it? And more importantly, how can we break free?
Be Your Own Best Friend
The Science Behind Self-Criticism and Body Shame
Every thought we have activates neural pathways in the brain. When you constantly criticise yourself, you’re strengthening the brain’s negativity bias. It becomes easier, almost automatic, to look for flaws rather than strengths.
Add to that the dopamine loop. Negativity, believe it or not, triggers a hit of dopamine. It might sound strange, but your brain finds familiarity rewarding, even if it’s harmful. It’s why doomscrolling, gossip, or ruminating on what’s wrong can feel weirdly addictive.
But there’s hope. When you intentionally focus on gratitude, self-compassion, and positive reinforcement, you’re activating the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for calm reasoning and emotional regulation. Over time, this rewires the pathways, making self-kindness feel more natural.
What’s the Cost of Being So Hard on Yourself?
Ask yourself:
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Does this self-criticism help you grow?
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Does it make you happier, more fulfilled, more you?
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Or does it keep you stuck, down-trodden, in victim mode, spiralling in shame?
Harsh self-talk doesn’t build resilience. It erodes your sense of safety. It keeps you trapped in the idea that you have to earn your worth through being “better,” “thinner,” or “more perfect.”
And let’s not forget how it affects those around you. Negativity spreads like wildfire. If you catch yourself putting your body down, chances are the people around you are absorbing that energy. And if you’ve ever heard a loved one criticise themselves, you’ll know how draining it feels to witness.
Understanding Your True Value
Your Worth Is Beyond the Mirror
Embrace Your Strengths
Try This Compassion Reset
So, how do we start talking to ourselves with more compassion? Here’s a small but powerful exercise:
The Six-Minute Gratitude Reset
Grab a notebook (or try a Six-Minute Diary, these are brilliant).
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Step 1: Write down three things you’re grateful for today.
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Step 2: Write one thing you love about yourself that has nothing to do with appearance.
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Step 3: Write one small compassionate action you’ll give yourself today, a “gift,” however tiny.
You don’t need to do this every day. But on the days you feel the negative voice creeping in, try it. Over time, it builds a healthier dopamine loop, a more sustainable source of feel-good reinforcement.
What Would You Tell a Friend?
Words of Kindness
Imagine your best friend came to you and said:
“I feel disgusting. I’m such a failure. I hate how I look.”
Would you nod and agree? No. You’d comfort them. You’d remind them of everything that makes them valuable and loved.
So why is it so hard to extend that same compassion to yourself?
Next time the voice in your head starts tearing you apart, pause and ask:
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Would I say this to someone I love?
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What would I say instead?
Rediscover Your Inner Strength
The List Exercise
If I asked you right now to write down all the things you think are wrong with you, I bet you could fill the page.
But what if I asked for all the things you do right? The qualities that make you you? The values, the kindness, the moments of strength?
You might pause. You might struggle. But I promise you, there is so much more to you than negativity.
A Therapist’s Reminder
As your therapist, or your future therapist, or maybe even your past therapist, let me remind you of this:
You are not broken.
You are not a failure.
You are so much more than your body.
Your values, your morals, your ability to care and connect, these are the things that make you incredible.
So today, I invite you to ask yourself:
What compassionate gift can I give myself?
Gentle Reminders for Self-Compassion
A Therapist’s Reminder
In the journey of healing, it’s vital to remember that kindness towards oneself is not a luxury, but a necessity. As you navigate the complexities of recovery, take a moment to breathe and acknowledge your progress. Embrace the imperfections as part of your unique story. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating. Let go of the harsh judgments and replace them with gentle affirmations. You deserve to treat yourself with the same compassion you offer to others. Today, choose to be your own ally.
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Becky Stone
A Bit About Me
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist based in the UK. I work with both teens and adults, offering a calm and non-judgmental space to explore what recovery truly means, on your terms.
With a background in supporting people through anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, and body image struggles, I know how complex and personal this journey can be.
My work is shaped by both professional training and lived experience, which helps me connect with clients in a real, honest way. I specialise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism, and I believe in flexible, shame-free recovery.
At the heart of my approach is trust, trust in yourself, in the process, and in the idea that recovery is possible. It’s not about perfection. It’s about rebuilding a safe relationship with food, with your body, and with who you are.
