Why Boys Are Struggling in Silence
Understanding masculinity, body image and eating disorders in boys and men
When we talk about eating disorders, most people still picture teenage girls.
But that picture is incomplete.
More and more boys and men are struggling with body image, disordered eating, and exercise addiction. The difference is that many of them are suffering quietly.
They don’t always recognise what they’re experiencing as an eating disorder.
And often… they don’t feel allowed to talk about it.
Recently, I was part of a conversation about masculinity and mental health, and something really stood out.
Many boys aren’t struggling because they are “weak”.
They’re struggling because the expectations placed on them can feel impossible to live up to.
The Power of Flexibility
Rethinking Masculinity: Embracing Change for Well-Being
The Pressure to Be Strong
Understanding the Stigma: Why Men Hesitate to Reach Out
Many boys grow up hearing messages like “be strong,” “do not cry,” “deal with things yourself,” and “real men do not ask for help.” On the surface, these messages can sound harmless, but over time, they can create a painful belief that if they are struggling, they must cope alone.
When this becomes part of someone’s identity, asking for help can feel like failure. For boys dealing with body image struggles, that silence can become deeply isolating.
When Body Image Becomes an Obsession
In recent years, there has been a growing awareness of muscle dysmorphia. This is sometimes described as a male form of body image distress, although it can affect anyone. Instead of feeling too big, someone may feel too small, not muscular enough, or not strong enough, even when their body is already very muscular.
This can lead to excessive exercise, rigid food rules, anxiety about missing workouts, constant body-checking, and avoidance of social situations involving food. From the outside, it can look like dedication or discipline, but inside, it can feel exhausting and all-consuming.
The Internet, Masculinity and the Search for Belonging
Many young men now turn to online spaces looking for advice about confidence, attraction, fitness, or self-worth. At first, the advice can seem helpful. It may focus on improving appearance, exercising more, or building confidence.
But some spaces gradually introduce more harmful ideas, such as the belief that emotions are weakness, women are against men, or power and control are what make someone valuable. For boys already feeling insecure or rejected, these communities can offer a sense of belonging. They can make someone feel seen when they are hurting.
That is why this issue is so complex. Often the deeper need underneath it is not arrogance. It is pain, loneliness, shame, and a longing to feel enough.
Guidance for Parents and Teachers
Initiating Conversations About Body Image and Masculinity
male eating disorders
Masculinity Is Not the Problem
Masculinity itself is not the problem. Qualities often associated with masculinity, such as courage, responsibility, resilience, protectiveness, and determination, can be deeply healthy. The difficulty comes when masculinity becomes rigid.
When someone believes they must always be strong, always independent, and always in control, they lose the freedom to be human. Life does not work that way. Every person needs support at times. Every person has vulnerable moments. Real strength includes being able to recognise when help is needed.
Why Boys and Men Often Do Not Ask for Help
Many boys and men grow up believing that they should be able to manage everything on their own. In therapy, this often sounds like, “I should be able to deal with this myself,” or “Other people have it worse,” or “I did not think therapy was for people like me.”
These beliefs can stop people from seeking support until things feel unbearable. The truth is that reaching out for help is not a weakness. It is often one of the bravest and healthiest things a person can do.
The Pressure to Be Strong
What Actually Helps
What helps boys and men most is not shame or criticism. It is connection, education, and open conversation. They need spaces where they can talk honestly about body image, pressure, insecurity, mental health, and what they are seeing online.
When these conversations happen, shame often begins to soften. People realise they are not broken, and they are not alone. That is where healing can begin.
A Trauma-Informed Approach to Eating Disorders
Masculinity Is Not the Problem
Eating disorders are rarely just about food. They are often connected to deeper experiences such as trauma, emotional overwhelm, perfectionism, anxiety, low self-worth, or neurodivergence, including ADHD and autism.
A trauma-informed approach understands this. Instead of only focusing on behaviour, it asks what the eating disorder may be trying to cope with. It explores how stress, emotions, and past experiences show up in the body and how a person can begin to feel safer within themselves.
This approach is compassionate, gentle, and personalised. It supports sustainable recovery rather than surface-level change.
male eating disorders
A Message for Parents, Teachers and Professionals
If you work with young people, one of the most powerful things you can do is start the conversation. Ask how boys feel about body image. Ask what pressures they are facing online. Ask what messages they are hearing about masculinity, strength, and success.
Creating open, non-judgemental dialogue early can reduce shame and make it easier for young people to reach out for help. When someone feels heard, they are far more likely to seek support before things escalate.
You Do Not Have To Struggle Alone
If you are struggling with body image, disordered eating, exercise addiction, or the feeling that you have to cope alone, support is available. Recovery is possible, and asking for help is a sign of courage, not failure.
Becky Stone
Becky Stone is a qualified therapist based in Canterbury specialising in trauma-informed eating disorder therapy for teens and adults. She supports clients struggling with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, ARFID, body image difficulties, and exercise addiction.
Her approach is compassionate, neurodivergent-affirming, and personalised, helping clients rebuild self-worth and create sustainable recovery. Becky offers online therapy across the UK and in-person sessions in Canterbury.
Support for Male Eating Disorders and Body Image Struggles
If you or someone you care about is struggling with male eating disorders, body image concerns, or exercise addiction, you are not alone. I offer trauma-informed eating disorder therapy in Canterbury and online across the UK, supporting teens and adults with compassionate, neurodivergent-affirming care. Together we can explore what is underneath the struggle and begin building a healthier relationship with food, body, and self.
