Success Is Terrifying: The Hidden Link Between ADHD and Self-Sabotage
Ever notice how just when things are going really well… you suddenly stall, hide, or find a way to blow it all up?
You’re not lazy. You’re not “bad with consistency.”
For many of us with ADHD or neurodivergence, success feels just as scary as failure.
The Myth of Perfection
How Fear of Mistakes Blocks Success
Breaking the Cycle
Why Success Can Feel Unsafe for ADHD Brains
It sounds backwards, doesn’t it? We want to succeed. We crave it. We work hard for it.
But when the good stuff starts happening?
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Imposter syndrome creeps in
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Your nervous system flips into fight-or-flight
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And suddenly, sabotage feels safer than showing up
ADHD brains crave dopamine. We thrive on novelty. But we’re also wired to expect rejection, mistakes, and shame. So when life does go well, it doesn’t always feel safe.
Success means more visibility. More responsibility. More chance to be seen messing up. And if you grew up masking or constantly being told you were “too much,” that spotlight can feel unbearable.
The Shame Cycle That Keeps Us Stuck
Here’s what I see with my clients (and in my own life):
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You finally gain momentum on a project, goal, or routine
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It feels exciting, maybe even euphoric at first
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Then the anxiety creeps in: “What if I can’t keep this up? What if I fail?”
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Cue procrastination, distraction, avoidance
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Followed by the familiar shame of “failing” again
And round and round it goes.
This is called success sabotage, and it’s often rooted in a lifetime of feeling like your best will never be “good enough.”
Understanding Self-Worth
My Personal Wake-Up Call
When I first started building my therapy business, I was terrified.
I wanted to grow, but every time I got more visibility on LinkedIn, I’d freeze. People would message me saying I was inspiring, and instead of feeling proud, I felt exposed. Vulnerable. Like I was about to be “found out” as a fraud.
So I’d do what my ADHD brain does best: avoid.
I’d distract myself. Scroll endlessly. Do anything but the thing I wanted.
It wasn’t laziness. It was fear.
Why ADHD and Neurodivergence Amplify This
For neurodivergent people, success isn’t just about achievement, it’s about navigating:
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Masking fatigue – hiding your real self for years
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Rejection sensitivity – waiting for criticism to land like a punch
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Dopamine crashes – when the initial thrill wears off, staying consistent feels harder
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Perfectionism and shame – a belief that mistakes make you unworthy
So even when success is within reach, the brain throws up roadblocks. It’s trying to protect you, but ends up keeping you stuck.
What Helps Break the Cycle?
Here’s what I’ve learned (and what I teach my clients):
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Redefine success. Instead of giant milestones, focus on tiny daily wins you can sustain.
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Create accountability. Have someone safe in your corner who can gently remind you why you started.
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Interrupt the shame voice. When it says “you’ll mess it up,” reframe it: “I’ve made mistakes before, and I’ve survived.”
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Schedule dopamine intentionally. Plan small rewards or breaks to keep motivation alive without burning out.
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Celebrate staying in the process, not the outcome. Success is about showing up, not being perfect.
You’re Not a “Car Crash” – You’re Human
I often joke that I’m a walking car crash, constantly making little mistakes. And yes, ADHD makes that happen more often. But here’s the truth:
Those mistakes don’t make you a failure.
They make you human.
Every time you show up again after a setback, you’re proving that success isn’t about never falling, it’s about never giving up on yourself.
Final Thoughts
Embracing Your Journey
If you’ve ever sabotaged something you really wanted, please know this:
You’re not weak.
You’re not lazy.
You’re someone whose brain learned to survive in a world that wasn’t built for you.
And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
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Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist based in the UK. I work with both teens and adults, offering a calm and non-judgmental space to explore what recovery truly means, on your terms.
My work is shaped by both professional training and personal experience, which enables me to connect with clients in an authentic and genuine way. I specialise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism, and I believe in flexible, shame-free recovery.
At the heart of my approach is trust, trust in yourself, in the process, and in the idea that recovery is possible.
