Masking is a coping mechanism often adopted by women to conform to societal norms, which can obscure their true selves. This behavior is prevalent among those with ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions, leading to exhaustion and a sense of disconnection from one’s emotions. The pressure to appear ‘together’ can delay proper diagnosis and treatment, impacting mental health significantly.

We say the right things. We mimic the tone. We manage the room.

We laugh at the joke even when we’re cringing inside.

We double-check our messages. We overthink our tone. We obsess over being “too much” or “not enough.”

And over time, we become brilliant actors but strangers to ourselves.

I did this for decades. I was the helper. The capable one. The woman who never said no.

And behind the scenes? I was crumbling.

As girls, many of us were praised for being quiet, helpful, and sweet.

We weren’t bouncing off the walls, so our ADHD was missed.

We learned to behave. To shrink. To fit in.

Masking becomes part of how we survive school, relationships, even therapy.

We’re so good at looking “together” that even professionals can miss what’s going on underneath.

That’s why so many women don’t get diagnosed until they’re deep into adulthood, often in their 30s, 40s, or even 50s.

Feeling exhausted after social interactions is another indicator. If you feel drained after trying to maintain a certain persona, it could be because you’re masking.