Embrace Imperfection, Embrace Growth
The “Fuck-It Bucket”: ADHD, Mistakes, and Learning to Own It
For years, I tried to be perfect. To keep every plate spinning. To make sure no one ever saw the mess behind the scenes.
But the harder I tried to mask the chaos, the more I spiralled into shame when, inevitably, I made a mistake.
Now? I have something called the Fuck-It Bucket.
It’s where I put the things I can’t control. The things I refuse to let define my worth. The mistakes that used to keep me awake at night.
This isn’t about giving up. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human.
Introducing the Fuck-It Bucket
Why ADHD Brains Struggle With Mistakes
If you grew up neurodivergent, ADHD, autistic, or dyslexic, you probably learned early that mistakes weren’t safe.
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Maybe you were told you were “careless” or “not trying hard enough.”
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Maybe you masked constantly, terrified someone would see the cracks.
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Maybe you lived in survival mode, just trying to keep up.
ADHD brains aren’t wired for linear, “step-by-step” thinking. We thrive in bursts of energy, creativity, and hyperfocus. But that also means:
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We drop balls sometimes.
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We forget things.
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We double-book.
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We make impulsive decisions.
And because society values consistency and “getting it right,” every slip feels like proof you’re failing.
Understanding the ADHD Brain
Shame Makes It Worse
Here’s the thing: when you already feel “too much” or “not enough,” every mistake lands like a punch.
It’s not just “I forgot to send that email.”
It’s “I’m unreliable. I’m a failure. Everyone will see I’m not good enough.”
This is rejection sensitivity, a deep emotional response to perceived criticism, which is common in individuals with ADHD. It triggers the nervous system, causing you to either shut down or overexplain in an attempt to make it right.
The shame builds. The masking gets heavier. And the more you try to be perfect, the more burnt out you become.
Embracing Imperfection
My Turning Point
I remember the day I sent the wrong Zoom link to a new client.
It was an honest mix-up, two clients with the same name. But the dad got frustrated. I could feel my anxiety spiralling. The old voice in my head screamed, “You’re stupid. You’re unprofessional. You should quit.”
But instead of disappearing into the shame hole, I took a breath.
I emailed back, owned it. “I’m really sorry for the muddle. I’m dyslexic, and sometimes names or details get tangled. I’ll fix this now.”
And then, I put it in the Fuck-It Bucket.
No ruminating. No weeks of beating myself up. Just: I made a mistake. I owned it. I moved on.
Understanding the 'Fuck-It Bucket' Concept
It’s not about being careless or dismissive.
It’s about acknowledging that you can’t control everything. That mistakes are inevitable. That the world won’t end because you messed up.
The Fuck-It Bucket is a mental tool I use to:
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Stop spiralling over small errors
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Protect my energy from perfectionism
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Remind myself I’m human, not a robot
Because the truth is, no one else is keeping score like you are. Most people move on. You can too.
How to Build Your Own
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Notice the trigger. When you feel shame rising, pause.
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Label it. Say, “This is a mistake, but it doesn’t define me.”
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Decide the action. If it needs fixing, fix it. If not, leave it.
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Drop it in the bucket. Visualise letting it go, mentally or literally write it down and throw it away.
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Redirect your energy. Use your time for something that matters.
Why This Helps ADHD Brains
ADHD brains struggle with transitions and emotional regulation. Small mistakes can feel huge because they trigger old patterns of criticism and masking.
The Fuck-It Bucket breaks the shame cycle.
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It gives your brain closure instead of ruminating.
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It creates a boundary between you and perfectionism.
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It teaches you that mistakes are part of being human, not evidence that you’re broken.
Reflecting on Your Journey
Final Thoughts on Embracing Imperfection
You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to double-book, forget a name, and send the wrong email.
But none of that means you’re a failure.
The people who matter won’t judge you for being human. And the ones who do? They’re not your people.
So next time you mess up? Own it. Fix it if you can. Then throw it straight in the Fuck-It Bucket.
Because you deserve to move forward without dragging shame with you.
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Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist based in the UK. I work with both teens and adults, offering a calm and non-judgmental space to explore what recovery truly means, on your terms.
My work is shaped by both professional training and lived experience, which helps me connect with clients in a real, honest way. I specialise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism, and I believe in flexible, shame-free recovery.
At the heart of my approach is trust, trust in yourself, in the process, and in the idea that recovery is possible.
