The Brain on an Eating Disorder: What You Can’t See
Eating disorders have a profound impact on the brain, affecting it in very real, physical ways. This isn’t just a matter of mindset or motivation.
Understanding Control and Fear
The brain enters survival mode
When someone restricts their food intake, the brain’s function is impaired. Cognitive functions such as memory, focus, emotional regulation, and long-term thinking all begin to shut down. The prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and planning) slows down to preserve energy.
Starvation becomes a coping mechanism
Fear becomes heightened
The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear, becomes overactive. What may seem like stubbornness or resistance to eat is often a panic response. The fear of food, weight gain, or losing control feels very real, even if it doesn’t make logical sense from the outside.
Practical Steps for Families
Supporting a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
Reach Out for Help
Why ‘Just Eat’ Doesn’t Work
Many parents or carers understandably try to problem-solve. “Why won’t she eat?” “Why can’t he see how unhealthy this is?” “Why don’t they just talk to someone?”
But eating disorders are not about logic. In fact, when the brain is under-fuelled, logical thinking becomes almost impossible.
Motivation doesn’t come before eating.
Motivation comes after the brain feels safe and nourished.
Your loved one may genuinely want to feel better, but they may not be able to reach for help yet. The part of their brain that holds insight is being overridden by fear and a desire for protection. This isn’t a lack of effort; it’s a survival mechanism.
Your Loved One is Still There
What You Can Do That Helps
Even without a diagnosis, your role is powerful. You can’t force change, but you can create the conditions for it to feel possible.
1. Offer safety over solutions
Try saying:
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“I’m here for you, no matter what.”
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“You don’t have to explain everything, but I’m listening.”
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“We can figure this out together.”
These statements alleviate pressure and foster trust.
Understanding Eating Disorder Recovery
Focus on consistency, not control
Being predictable is more helpful than being persuasive. Mealtimes, routines, and calm presence can do more than lectures or pressure.
Ask gentle questions like:
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“Would you like me to sit with you while you eat?”
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“Do you want me to help you plan some meals this week?”
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“Would it feel safer if we had a routine together?”
These reduce isolation and give small bits of co-regulation.
Separate the person from the behaviour
You might hear:
“I’m fine.”
“Stop fussing.”
“Leave me alone.”
This can feel cold or defensive. But often, it’s the illness speaking, not your child, sibling, or partner. Try to hold onto the fact that your loved one is still in there, underneath the fear and control.
Say things like:
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“I love you. This illness doesn’t get to win.”
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“I see you’re struggling, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Recognising the Need for Help
When to Seek Support
You don’t need to wait for a diagnosis to get help.
If you notice ongoing changes in weight, mood, eating habits, or emotional well-being, speak to your GP or reach out to an eating disorder-informed therapist.
Early intervention makes a massive difference. Even just one conversation with a professional can open up options for support.
Reflecting on Your Journey
Final Thoughts
If your loved one is showing signs of disordered eating, please know this: you’re not overreacting, and you don’t need to do this alone. Eating disorders thrive in silence, but support, consistency, and compassion can interrupt that silence and offer a way forward.
Your job isn’t to rescue them.
Your job is to walk beside them while they learn to rescue themselves.
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