Embracing Relapse with Compassion

When people talk about recovery from an eating disorder, it’s often painted as a clean, upward journey. You work hard, you get better, and then the story ends. But in real life, recovery doesn’t always move in a straight line. Slips and relapses happen, and that doesn’t mean someone has failed.

One of the most powerful parts of my work as a therapist is helping clients navigate relapse without shame. Because relapse doesn’t erase progress. It shows us where the pain still lives, where the nervous system still feels unsafe, and what needs more care.

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Explore unique perspectives on relapse for those with ADHD and autism.

Becky Stone, eating disorder therapist in Canterbury, standing outdoors during a therapy brand photoshoot.

The Power of Compassion

The Myth That Recovery Should Be Perfect

Many of my clients arrive with the belief that relapse means they’ve ruined everything. They tell me, “I was doing so well, and now I’m back to square one.”

But recovery isn’t about never slipping. It’s about building resilience, compassion, and awareness so that when old patterns resurface, you can respond differently.

I remind clients: You don’t lose everything you’ve learned just because you fell back into a behaviour. The skills, insights, and strength you’ve developed are still there. They don’t disappear, they wait for you.

Understanding Relapse

The Role of Shame

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Shame is the biggest weight I see people carry during relapse. That inner critic whispers: You should know better. You’ve failed. You’ll never get out of this.

But shame keeps us frozen. It convinces us we’re broken and unworthy of trying again.

That’s why one of the first things I say when a client shares they’ve relapsed is: Thank you for telling me. Speaking it out loud breaks the shame cycle. It opens the door for compassion and honesty.

Why Relapse Happens

Relapse is rarely random. It’s often a sign of something deeper:

When we explore relapse together, it’s not about blame. It’s about curiosity. What was your body trying to protect you from? What was your mind seeking in that moment? These questions create understanding, not judgment.

Compassion as a Recovery Tool

Recovery thrives on compassion. That might sound simple, but it’s often the hardest skill to learn. For people who’ve spent years criticising themselves, extending kindness feels unnatural.

But compassion isn’t about excusing relapse,  it’s about creating the conditions for growth. If shame keeps us stuck, compassion gets us moving again.

Sometimes that looks like saying to yourself: This was a hard moment. I’m not proud of it, but I can try again tomorrow.That small shift changes everything.

Relapse Through a Neurodivergent Lens

For clients with ADHD or autism, relapse can feel even more complicated. Disordered eating behaviours often provide structure, dopamine, or a sense of control when life feels overwhelming.

That’s why relapse isn’t just about “falling back into bad habits.” It’s often a nervous system seeking regulation. For neurodivergent clients, recovery plans need to account for sensory needs, dopamine-seeking, and the fatigue of masking. Otherwise, relapse becomes inevitable.

What I Tell Clients

When relapse happens, here’s what I encourage:

  • Pause before judgment. Notice what happened without labelling it as “failure.”

  • Get curious. Ask yourself what need or feeling the behaviour was trying to meet.

  • Reach out. Recovery isn’t meant to be done in silence. Let someone know.

  • Start small. Don’t punish yourself with unrealistic “perfect recovery” rules. Go back to basics.

  • Hold hope. Relapse doesn’t cancel your progress. You’re still further ahead than when you began.

 

Reflecting on Relapse

Holding Hope

As a therapist, I see my role as holding hope for my clients when they can’t hold it for themselves. Recovery can feel exhausting, and relapse can make people believe it’s impossible. But I’ve seen over and over that even after setbacks, healing continues.

I tell clients: You are not back at square one. You are standing on everything you’ve already built.

Closing Reflections

Relapse doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re still human, still healing, still finding your way. The shame that comes with relapse is often more damaging than the relapse itself. But when we replace shame with compassion, recovery becomes sustainable.

If you’re in recovery right now and you’ve slipped, please hear this: You are not broken. You are still on your way. And it’s okay to begin again.

Meet Becky Stone

I’m Becky Stone, a qualified eating disorder therapist and clinical supervisor based in Canterbury, UK. I work with both teens and adults, specialising in trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming therapy for eating disorders, ADHD, and autism. My approach is shaped by lived experience as well as training, which means I offer not only tools but real understanding.

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