Shame is powerful and often sits quietly in the background, chipping away at how we see ourselves and connect with others. It can stop us from opening up in therapy, even though those hidden pieces are often the most important for healing.

But it doesn’t need to be that way…

I often describe it to clients alongside guilt.  If guilt is an emotion that says “I did something bad”, shame is one that says “I am bad” or “there is something wrong with me”.  It can leave us feeling unworthy or undeserving of love and support.

For many of my clients, shame was ‘gifted’ to them in childhood through family dynamics, cultural expectations, trauma, bullying or relationship breakdowns. Kids often believe “it must be my fault,” and that belief can stick. Shame then grows in silence because we’re too ashamed to talk about it.

If shame has kept you from therapy or made you hold back, you’re not the only one. With the right support, those feelings can feel less overwhelming. Shame often tells us to keep quiet, but as BrenéBrown says, shame needs secrecy, silence and judgment to survive. Sharing your experience with someone who listens can loosen its grip.