Rediscover Your Emotional Connection
Embrace Your Journey to Emotional Wellness
Success achieved, but joy missing? You’re not alone. Discover why emotional numbness happens even when life looks perfect, plus practical steps to reconnect with your feelings. Written with thought and care by your autistic therapist.
The Role of Meaning in emotional detachment
Understanding Emotional Numbness: Causes and Solutions for When Success Feels Empty
From the outside, you have it sorted. Many people would want what you have. You yourself think you have achieved at least some of what you set out to. It may have taken a lot of time and effort.
But…You expected for it to feel different. Very different in fact. You deserve your reward.
Where’s the joy? You may even feel cheated. All you have is this emptiness…Moving from one day to the next on autopilot. Where did all the feelings go? The good, the bad, anything!
Emotional numbness can have several explanations. I list a few further down with ideas of how to help yourself.
One point to draw your attention to right away is, are you looking after yourself?
I mean this in the most foundational sense. How are your nutrition, sleep, movement and social interactions? These basic physiological needs play a very important role in well-being.
However, it is easy to overlook that at least one of the reasons you might be feeling apathetic is because you are exhausted after several nights of little sleep and insufficient diet.
So before you read on any further, please do a quick audit:
- Have you had enough rest?
- Have you had sufficient and good food?
- Have you done some kind of physical activity?
- Have you connected with another person?
If these are all covered and the emotional numbness persists, have a look at the other possible reasons below.
Understanding Low Mood and Depression
Losing Sense of Meaning
Having a purpose, a tangible motivation in life, is very important. It gives meaning to our experience and helps us move forward through adversity. Having a cause, your “why”, can be a great source of strength and agility.
It is not unusual, however, to lose your direction every now and again, especially when a difficult event happens, involving a significant loss. This could be bereavement, redundancy, children leaving home…
What You Can Do About It
Consider finding a new activity that takes you out of your comfort zone and provides a sense of accomplishment. This could be getting a new hobby, engaging with a different social group, volunteering for a cause you believe in or even starting a new business. If you would like help from a knowledgeable professional, perhaps think about working with a coach.
Being Depressed
One of the common symptoms of depression is anhedonia, which is the difficulty in experiencing joy. Overall, emotional numbness can also happen as part of dissociation when you experience trauma.
It might be helpful to think of your ability to experience emotion as an internal resource. When that resource gets depleted, it is a possible indication that some changes need to be made in your life. It could be as simple as being patient and allowing yourself to heal, taking one day at a time, or it might be something bigger.
What You Can Do About It
With time, you may be able to shift the dark mood and even overcome trauma on your own by carefully attending to your needs. However, it is well worth thinking about getting some help. This could be in the form of counselling or hypnotherapy. There is a wide range of approaches out there to suit different outlooks.
Reflecting on emotional detachment
Taking Psychiatric Medication
Some psychiatric drugs can have the effect of dulling down all sensation. In a time of crisis, the absence of emotion might offer the relief you need. But being in the state of emotional numbness for a long period might not be an attractive prospect.
What You Can Do About It
Make sure to consult your doctor if you are unhappy with this potential side effect of your medication. It might be that an alternative is available. If and when you feel ready to come off the medication, it is extremely important you are supported by a medical professional, who can advise you on the safe way of tapering off the drug.
Rebuilding Trust in Yourself
A Note on Being Autistic
Here’s a disclosure: I am an autistic therapist, working with autistic adults. I can say from my personal and professional experience it is not universally true that being autistic means you don’t have emotions.
Difficulty identifying and naming emotions, alexithymia, is quite different from not having feelings at all. Of course, some people find it a lot more comfortable to operate on a cognitive level rather than on an emotional one. However, most autistic people I have come across experience emotions, often very strongly, even if they are not aware of what each individual emotion might be.
If you are, or think you might be, autistic and would like some help working through your experiences, it might be useful to reach out to a specialist counsellor. Here’s one–me.
About Lii
Lii is a BACP-registered autistic counsellor, supporting autistic adults with managing emotions, negotiating positive relationships, thriving at work, and dealing with anxiety and depression. Lii works from a quiet and comfortable private office in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, and also offers sessions online from anywhere in the UK and the Republic of Ireland. As well as a counsellor Lii is a data analyst at a management consultancy and a mother of three girls. She has continued studying throughout her career, acquiring a list of higher education qualifications ranging from art to social science. If you have a background in IT or academia, Lii may have a few things in common with you.
