The Day I Found Out I Had ADHD
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Diagnosis
The Journey to Self-Discovery and Acceptance
When I received my ADHD diagnosis, I cried. Not because I was upset or scared, but because I finally had an answer. In this article, therapist Becky Stone explores the grief, relief and self-acceptance many adults experience after receiving an ADHD diagnosis later in life.
About Becky Stone
I’m Becky Stone, a qualified counsellor based in Canterbury, Kent, specialising in eating disorders, disordered eating, self-esteem, anxiety, and neurodivergent-affirming therapy.
My approach is trauma-informed, compassionate, and grounded in the belief that people don’t need fixing. They need the right space to understand themselves, feel heard, and develop a healthier relationship with who they are.
I work with adults and young people both online across the UK and in person in Canterbury.
If you’d like support with an eating disorder, body image concerns, emotional wellbeing, or navigating life as a neurodivergent adult, I’d be happy to help.
Navigating the Emotional Landscape of Diagnosis
Why an ADHD Diagnosis Can Feel Like Grief, Relief and Self-Acceptance
When I received my ADHD diagnosis, I cried.
Not because I was upset.
Not because I was scared.
I cried because I finally had an answer.
For years, I’d carried around the belief that there was something wrong with me. I was the child who couldn’t sit still, the adult who was always juggling a hundred things at once, the person who interrupted conversations, forgot appointments, lost track of time, and felt permanently overwhelmed by things that seemed easy for everyone else.
When I got home, I rang my daughter and said:
“Guess what? I’m a weirdo.”
Her response was immediate.
“Mum, we already knew you were weird.”
We laughed, but underneath the humour was something much deeper.
Relief.
Because for the first time in my life, I wasn’t looking at my struggles as personal failings.
I was looking at them through a different lens.
Understanding Scaffolding
The Problem Isn’t Always ADHD
One of the things that stood out in my recent conversation with ADHD specialist David Wharton was how many people spend years being treated for symptoms without anyone recognising the possibility of ADHD.
Particularly women.
Many women don’t present with the stereotypical image people have of ADHD.
They’re not necessarily bouncing off the walls.
They’re often masking.
They’re overthinking.
They’re people-pleasing.
They’re exhausted.
They’re working twice as hard behind the scenes to appear organised, calm and capable.
From the outside, everything looks fine.
On the inside, they’re paddling furiously beneath the surface.
As David described it, like a swan gliding across water while its legs work overtime underneath.
As a therapist, I’ve seen this repeatedly.
Clients come into therapy believing they’re lazy, disorganised, broken, too emotional or simply “not good enough.”
Often they’ve spent years blaming themselves for things they never understood.
Neurodivergence and Eating Disorders
The Hidden Cost of Being Misunderstood
One of the biggest emotional impacts of a late diagnosis isn’t the diagnosis itself.
It’s what happened before it.
It’s the years of criticism.
The years of being told you’re too much.
Too loud.
Too sensitive.
Too emotional.
Too forgetful.
Too disorganised.
Too intense.
Eventually, those messages become internalised.
You stop hearing them from other people because you start saying them to yourself.
As therapists, we often talk about shame.
Shame thrives in misunderstanding.
When you don’t know why you struggle, it’s easy to assume it’s because you’re failing somehow.
Many people don’t arrive at diagnosis carrying curiosity.
They arrive carrying years of self-blame.
The Grief Nobody Talks About
Something David spoke about really resonated with me.
Many people experience diagnosis almost like a grieving process.
At first, that might sound strange.
After all, if diagnosis brings answers, why would there be grief?
Because diagnosis often forces you to look backwards.
You begin revisiting your childhood.
School.
Relationships.
Work experiences.
The opportunities you missed.
The times you were misunderstood.
The support you never received.
Many people find themselves wondering:
“What might my life have looked like if someone had noticed sooner?”
That can be painful.
It’s normal.
And it’s something I think deserves far more attention than it gets.
Could ADHD, Hormones and Food Be Connected? Many women diagnosed with ADHD also notice changes in food cravings, emotional eating and binge eating around their menstrual cycle. Explore why this happens and what your body may be trying to tell you.
I thought I was independent.
Then I realised my best friend was carrying my suitcase and navigating London while I carried the coffee.
The Support Systems We Don’t Notice Until Diagnosis
One thing that made me smile during our conversation was realising how much support I’ve unknowingly received throughout my life.
This photo is a perfect example.
We’re walking through London.
I’m happily wandering along with a coffee in my hand.
My best friend is carrying my suitcase.
She’s also making sure we’re heading in the right direction.
At the time, I didn’t think anything of it.
It was just us being us.
But after my ADHD diagnosis, I started noticing these moments more.
The people who love us often adapt to our needs without either of us fully realising it.
They remember things we’ve forgotten.
They help us stay organised.
They quietly fill in the gaps.
David Wharton referred to this as “scaffolding”, the support systems that help us function and navigate the world.
The funny thing is that these acts become so normal that nobody notices them.
Not even the person receiving the support.
Sometimes diagnosis isn’t just about understanding yourself.
It’s about recognising all the people who have been helping you along the way.
ADHD, Eating Disorders and Emotional Regulation
This is particularly relevant in my work with eating disorders.
There is growing recognition that neurodivergence and eating disorders can overlap in significant ways.
Many neurodivergent individuals experience challenges with:
- Emotional regulation
- Impulse control
- Sensory sensitivities
- Perfectionism
- Rigid thinking patterns
- Anxiety
- Self-esteem
When these struggles aren’t understood, food, exercise, restriction, bingeing or other coping strategies can sometimes become ways of managing overwhelming emotions.
This doesn’t mean ADHD causes eating disorders.
It doesn’t.
But understanding the whole picture matters.
When someone receives the right support, we’re often able to move beyond symptom management and start understanding what those behaviours have been trying to achieve.
Embracing Your True Self
Self-Acceptance Changes Everything
The most powerful thing the diagnosis gave me wasn’t a label.
It was permission.
Permission to stop fighting myself.
Permission to stop comparing myself to people whose brains work differently.
Permission to stop viewing every struggle as evidence that I wasn’t good enough.
I’m still forgetful sometimes.
I still interrupt people occasionally.
I still have moments where my brain runs faster than my mouth.
But I no longer see those things as proof that I’m failing.
They’re simply part of how I’m wired.
And that’s very different.
If You’re Wondering About ADHD
Whether you’re considering an assessment, supporting a loved one, or simply questioning why certain struggles seem to follow you through life, I’d encourage you to approach yourself with curiosity rather than criticism.
The goal isn’t to collect labels.
The goal is understanding.
Because understanding creates compassion.
And compassion creates change.
Sometimes the most powerful moment isn’t hearing a diagnosis.
It’s realising there was never anything fundamentally wrong with you in the first place.
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What Happens Next?
There Was Never Anything Wrong With You
One of the biggest things my ADHD diagnosis gave me wasn’t a label.
It was relief.
Relief that I wasn’t lazy.
Relief that I wasn’t failing.
Relief that I wasn’t simply “too much.”
For the first time, I could look back on my life with a little more understanding and a lot more compassion.
If you’ve found yourself relating to parts of this article, perhaps that’s where your journey starts too.
Not with fixing yourself.
But with understanding yourself.
