Understanding men’s mental health

We all tend to do something in our lives when things begin to get too much: reach out for help and try and get some therapy. Whether what we’re suffering with is a minor or even massive issue, we all tend to go down the route of seeking therapy or support from professionals when we struggle to cope just on our own. But, for men, it’s very different. It’s not as easy as wanting to go to therapy or finding a therapist. There is such a significant stigma, even in 2020, around men and mental health, and the way society portrays this almost negative light over it, why men can’t be sad or why they can’t have issues on their own. 

Challenges men face

But that’s so far from the truth; it doesn’t matter what gender you are; anyone can suffer, and it’s vital that no matter who you are, you get help. Men’s suicide rates have been worryingly a lot higher in recent years, and more and more men are suffering from mental health issues. Just because to some they should be considered as these ‘tough’ guys that shouldn’t be crying or feel upset, doesn’t mean they don’t. The stereotype and the stigmatism that has surrounded men and mental health for years is why men are so scared to speak up because they’re afraid of judgment.

Barriers to therapy

Some of the reasons why men feel like they can’t go to therapy is because, half of the time, they believe there’s nothing wrong. They don’t want to admit that their world is falling apart; they don’t want to look like a coward or even a failure in front of their friends and family for cracking. I’ve seen a fair few men that I love who have fallen apart due to mental health but feel like they can’t speak up, and it is heartbreaking. When you think about it, it isn’t enjoyable. It’s not about wanting to get therapy because they want to. But they get so caught up in this mindset that this whole facade of them being okay takes over, and for them to release that later down the line makes them feel much worse.

The importance of therapy

Another reason is the fact that they don’t believe they should go to therapy solidly because they’re the ones who are supposed to have their life together. They can’t be falling apart or have other stuff going on in their head. Men often believe they have it all together because that’s what they feel they must be, constantly on their A-game, without anything affecting that. But, usually, when that is crowding their train of thought, they then become very miserable, and their mental health deteriorates very quickly.

Maybe it’s the fact they feel they’re going to get judged, and that’s not the kind of position they want to be in. Whether it’s by someone they know, they are afraid of people laughing or making jokes about it and not being supportive. Or maybe it’s because they’re worried that the therapist themselves will judge them immensely. But that’s not true; you’re to a therapist, a patient; they’re a professional who takes on a professional manner and is there to help you, never to judge.

They might feel that because they have a partner, that’s where they’re there for. It’s standard in relationships to overload your feelings onto your significant other because you trust them, and they will understand and advise you. However, it can be overwhelming sometimes if you’re both struggling simultaneously. You might need to provide clear guidance, or it will be a one-sided argument focusing only on one person’s issues.

They may even get into that headspace if it’s OK. I have a bottle of whisky in the cupboard that will help or a pack of cigarettes, which will curb the emotions for a while. But, alcohol is the worst, and it has so many side effects; quite often, no matter what gender you’re, alcohol is a crucial aspect of trying to feel a little sense of happiness and having no control over your body because it numbs the pain. It’s about what you think after the pain in your stomach, the severe dehydration and the negativity coming back but ten times faster. If you abuse it, it increases your risk of depression and suicide massively.

It may be that if they speak about how they’re feeling, other names will be brought up in conversation, like in a way they’re complaining about others and how they make them feel, which is normal. Sometimes, other people in our lives can cause us to feel upset. But it’s not wrong to talk about that if that makes you feel down. Don’t think of it as complaining; think of it as being honest; you can speak precisely how you want and say exactly how you’re feeling. There is no room for judgement or right or wrong answers.

Maybe it’s the fact they don’t want to take medication, which is entirely normal. Not everyone likes to take medicines as they’re worried about side effects or the fact it may make them feel worse. Or, even someone close to them will see them taking them, and they’ll have to speak about why. Medication is often given out if any type of mental health issue is severe and is causing you a lot of discomfort and is stopping you from living your daily life. But, often, a combination of medications and specific therapies is the quickest and most effective way of helping you push through what you’re suffering from.

Maybe they’re worried they won’t know how to act, and feel like I want to say, hot or even say how they feel. The truth is, just be yourself, be you, sit how you want to, and don’t be worried about going in-depth and describing how you’re feeling. You could start by saying what you think you’re suffering from and ask about their experience treating that issue. Talk about benefits or treatment that might be the most beneficial, and ask about how the treatment works, how they access your progress, availability, costs, future sessions, etc.

It’s not a sign of weakness to want to seek therapy. It doesn’t mean that because you’re reaching out for help, you or anyone else should think differently of yourself. Men are going to get help, and men’s mental health should be a lot more normalised than it is. It’s that first step of self-awareness, that first step for you to go onto bigger things and to help your mental health.

It is normalising the conversation around mental health, being able to share your story or other stories regarding men and how they benefitted from therapy. Understanding that seeking treatment doesn’t make you weak; it makes you stronger. It doesn’t make you any less defective or any less masculine. That’s such a vital point to remember when you first realise that you might need therapy. It’s also important to know that therapy is a place to help you gain more control and learn all the tools that can help you cope.

It’s OK to be worried about telling loved ones or friends that you’re feeling low and you want to seek therapy. But most will be supportive, and if they’re not, it just proves they’re toxic people who should be cut off. Sometimes, with you speaking up, you may find that the other person you’re speaking to is suffering, and by speaking up, you’ve given them the strength to do the same. It’s important to know you’re not alone in feeling the way you do and speaking up, as most men are in the same position.

Overcoming the stigma

It’s essential to get rid of that stigma and realise that men’s mental health is just as important. They’re seen as these people who need to be tough and have their lives together, and they don’t have the right to fall apart. But, because of this stigma, it’s made more and more men suffer from mental health issues. It’s damaging for them even to feel that if they seek help, they will be judged immensely.

No matter what, it’s vital that if something is causing you to feel low or like you can’t live your everyday life without feeling severely depressed, then seek help. Normalise the fact that it’s ok to talk about mental health if you’re a guy, that it’s ok to fall apart and to crack sometimes, and that doesn’t make you less intense; in fact, it makes you a lot tougher because it takes strength to be able to say you need help.

Call Anxiety UK on 03444 775 774 or visit their website here.

Could you go on over to the Men’s Health Forum website?

Call Mind on  0300 123 3393 or visit their website here. 

Call YoungMinds on 0808 802 5544 or visit their website here. 

If you are considering therapy based in Canterbury or online, I offer a welcoming environment where you can discuss your concerns freely; feel free to book a free informal chat with me to explore how we can work together on your mental health journeys to help you move forward

https://www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk

https://www.facebook.com/BeckyCares/