Trust, something we all give away far to easily and sometimes we can get really hurt by trusting people too much. Whilst, it’s ok to trust people, it’s not ok to let people hurt you and ruin the fact that you can ever trust anyone in the future again. It’s hard to be able to trust people when you’ve been hurt in the past and they’ve taken that away from you. Once, you’ve had that happen it can be hard to then be able to be confident and be able to confide in someone and trust again.
We’ve all had someone in our lives, that we’ve trusted with so much and they’ve thrown it back in our faces. It makes us almost get into this process of feeling you can’t trust anyone. Which is not always the case, it’s important to realise who you can and can’t trust. Although sometimes it can be difficult, if you ever feel red flags then you know that you can’t trust them, then don’t because it’s not worth getting hurt. Those type of experiences are very difficult to go through, they’re painful but the feelings we experience are completely normal.
You get scared to trust again, because of trauma in the past that constantly sticks with you. You’re worried to be hurt again, perhaps if you’ve been betrayed by someone you love and trusted so much and that came with a lot of pain. The thing is trusting someone is a meaningful part of any relationship or friendship, it’s a vital thing to have and without it, it can bring this massive amount of uncertainty and constantly worrying. But, even though you’ve been through hard times, you can learn to trust again. It won’t be easy, but it’s possible. This doesn’t mean that you can completely rule out the fact you’ll never get hurt again because not everyone is going to treat you right. But, that’s just the harsh reality of life, but you can’t let that cloud your mind and let yourself if you truly feel it’s right to trust again.
You make that choice to trust again, you have to at times just let your guard down and let go of that fear you’ve held onto for so long. It’s something you’ll have to work on and won’t just happen instantly. But, there are some ways in which you can learn to trust others. Starting with embracing vulnerability, this is one of our greatest strengths, some of us might be scared to admit we’re vulnerable but there’s nothing wrong with it. We get into that thought process of worrying we’re risking too much by enabling ourselves to be vulnerable. If you don’t actually start to put yourself out there and take risks, you will end up missing out on a lot of aspects of life.
If you’re practising how to be emotionally vulnerable, you can do this by talking to a close family member or friend and be open about how you are feeling. You will also be able to use this as a trust technique because you’ll be confiding in them and when it comes to talking about feelings you should always trust the person you’re speaking too. Whilst you may be scared of trusting someone, it can help to open up and it shows that trust doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
Another key tip is learning to trust yourself, you can’t expect to trust someone else if you can’t put your trust into yourself. Be able to trust your judgment and ability to make good choices and don’t put yourself down because of past experiences. It doesn’t mean you always have poor judgement, we learn from our mistakes. Rather than putting yourself down, instead, write a list of how strong your instincts are. You should be able to allow yourself to grieve, being hurt does allow you to go through the entire grieving process and that’s ok. You’re grieving something you had with that person and that can really hurt. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. Make sure that you don’t run away from these stages, it’s ok to go through it, it’s natural.
Try and let go of the past, even though that is so hard to do. You must realise that the past is completely different from your future. One person’s bad behaviour shouldn’t let you feel like there is no future for you or the fact everyone is the same. You should never forget your worth and realise you deserve to love someone and they deserve your trust. When you find that person that you truly know you can confide in and you truly feel like that’s the one for you. It doesn’t matter how long it takes because it’s better for it to take a while then not.
Something else that may seem very difficult to do is forgiveness, it can be very hard to forgive someone that hurt you and broke you. But, sometimes it’s necessary for you to be able to move on and be able to grow. Forgiveness is important, not saying you need to do it for everyone, if you can’t forgive others, forgive yourself. We all start to blame ourselves as to why we let someone hurt us in the first place, but we should be able to forgive ourselves for that at least.
Make sure you communicate openly if you feel like you need to bring your past up and explain why you’re worried that’s ok. It’s healthy to communicate all the time, whilst it’s also healthy to trust one another. It goes back to that same way of being vulnerable, it’s best to stay open and be able to trust even though you’ve been hurt. It’s important that when you start to feel like you’re in that same situation as you were before when you did put your trust in someone and they hurt you. It’s vital you cut ties straight away if you get any signs that you feel you can’t trust them no matter what.
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