Those of us who are in relationships, often get caught up in the fact that it should look like and feel like what it does in the movies, but it’s far from that. We get so hooked on this fake reality, of the fact that you won’t get hurt and that you won’t get your heart broken, that it’s not an easy ride. Some of it, is the best feeling, being in love is an incredible feeling and experiencing life and making memories with your significant other is special.

But, not everyone talks about the harsh reality of it can be mentally draining, you can say things you don’t mean, you can hurt one another and not even know it. Relationships have their ups and downs, but none of the lows is focused on throughout films and books, it’s all about the fact that you’ll meet your prince or princess and jump on a horse and ride off into the sunset together. Whilst being in love is a one of a kind feeling, being hurt by someone you love is also something that you never really get over. Being in a relationship has its flaws as many things do, but it’s important not to get hooked on the picture that is painted of a perfect fairytale and to instead focus on reality.

There are quite a few things that are often misunderstood about being in a relationship, you won’t always be tolerated, this isn’t necessarily a flaw, but it’s something that can damage a relationship. If you’re expecting your other half to tolerate you all the time, this puts a strain on your relationship. You may not always agree with each other, some times you might mess up or annoy them, that’s just how it is. No one is perfect,  we all mess up sometimes. Love is something that is considered as beautiful, wonderful, life-changing and whilst it is the things, it’s also about sacrifice and learning to live your life with doing what you do but sharing it with someone else.

It’s about putting your other half’s happiness before yours, but that’s not always easy for some people. Some relationships, fall apart because they feel like they have to change who they’re to be with them or they have to change what they like because them they’ll accept them. Which is something that should never happen, you should never have to be someone you’re not to be loved. But, this is never shown this is never looked upon, it’s always painted as something that puts two and two together and they’re a match made in heaven.

person holding red rose

The sad part is, you have to be hurt to understand love, as hard and as traumatic as that is. You have to have your heartbroken to be able to truly understand love and its meaning. Even though being hurt, is one of the worst feelings to have to go through, especially when you were so invested in someone. It’s something that makes you exceptionally more strong, it lets you focus on what’s right and how you should be treated in a relationship. Whilst you lose your self-esteem through heartbreak and lose yourself, you gain that back and it’s by far a lot stronger when you do. You learn to love yourself and put yourself back together again piece by piece, even though it takes time.

Something, that is often misinterpreted in fairytales, is the fact the prince or princess is always so beautiful, it’s about how they look and the money they have. Which when you pinpoint it, is actually quite harsh. It’s not about that at all, it’s about loving someone for what they have whether they have money or nothing, it’s about falling in love with them because of their flaws, falling in love with them because you got hooked on their personality within an instant and they made you laugh till your stomach hurt. That’s what it’s about, not the fact you have the best figure, face or house. It’s about loving someone for them and not for what they have.

Most of the time, relationships have their downfalls, they have their low moments and it can be hard to put them back together again. Some people drift, some people work through it and that’s exactly what being in love is like. You can still love someone, but feel like you can’t continue the relationship because of the strain you’re putting on yourself. You will get annoyed at your other half, they will do things that make you upset, they will make you angry. You can’t love with material possessions, whilst yeah money is great it doesn’t define love. What does define it, is the effort that your partner puts into making you happy, it’s the idea of genuinely caring for your other half. Love changes you and it also changes, it’s not all sweetness and light all the way through. Some of the feelings you felt at the start, might not always last throughout. That, however, doesn’t always mean you’re not in love, it just means you’re at a different stage in your relationship.

It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be it takes commitment, it takes hard work and it takes you to be able to work with your partner and talk through your issues. It’s definitely worth it when you find that special someone, but often you have to get your heart broke a few times to find them. You have to find someone that will be there for you thick and thin, not just give up on the first hurdle.

The biggest one of all is the fact you have to love yourself before you love anyone else. If you have no love for yourself, then you won’t be able to care or love someone else. You need to be able to invest time into self-care, into boosting your self-esteem and loving yourself. By loving yourself, you accept who you’re but you know that you can do things to make you a better person and that can also be adapted into your relationship and vice versa.

Just remember if you’re in love with the right person, that it won’t always be easy and some days will be tougher then others, but it’ll come with memories, happiness and constantly talking to each other to improve your relationship.

person holding bouquet of flower

5 languages of love

There is something else we never really hear of or understand unless we search into it and find out. But, there are actually five languages of love, these are something that should be adapted to relationships and are also ways in which you can improve yours. What type of languages of love do you have, how do you share the love you have for your partner?

It’s different for everyone, but most of the languages of love are based on, words of affirmation, hearing the ‘i love you’ or hearing something that makes you happy. Being showed you’re appreciated and that you’re affectionate. Quality time, this is about giving your partner your undivided attention, no phones, no games, no distractions just you and them. Making memories together, or doing something you both enjoy is a great way to spend quality time together.

Receiving gifts, this means that you thrive on love and thoughtfulness and the effort behind a particular gift. It’s not about the price or the quantity, it’s the thought behind it and that your partner took the time to give you that gift. Acts of service, this one is fairly simple, it’s about just showing your partner that you appreciate them, it’s doing little chores around the house, going shopping, leaving them a thank you note things like that.

Lastly, physical touch people who speak this particular love language, love any type of physical touch. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, stroking their face things like that, that just makes them feel at ease and comfortable. Physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love, it calms, reassures and heals.

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Journalist