Love, is something that we all experience at some point in our lives and its an amazing feeling, but sometimes insecurities get in the way. We often, just misread the signals that we can get a bit to obsessive and that our insecurities are just something that can disappear. But in fact, it can cause problems in a relationship and make your mental health deteriorate, but there is always time and help to overcome it, we all have them. 

Relationships do tend to crumble sometimes, its what being in a relationship is, you will have highs and lows. Insecurities come in all shapes and sizes. The trouble with having an insecurity in a relationship is that if affects both people.

Nowadays, social media and a constant attachment to phones and other forms of technology, can actually make insecurities so much worse. It’s ok to feel insecure sometimes, but when it starts affecting your life and the way you think, its then time to consider seeking help and figuring out what your triggers are.

The past can often be a big trigger for any insecurities in relationships, if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, with previous partners that perhaps ended up with a break up because of cheating, or something similar, this will stick with you and you will constantly worry that its going to happen again, because you’ve been so hurt in the past.

1) Stop comparing yourself to other people

This goes to those who compare themselves to their other halves previous partners. It’s one of the most common causes for fights among couples and although it can be normal and sometimes reasonable, there are others who always find a way to make it more of an issue. Its not as easy as just getting over the fact that you think your partner could find someone better and constantly comparing yourself to the their friends or people they know and you’re worried they might leave you for them.

Its about coming to the realisation that they are with you and thats what matters, you have to except the fact they may have friends of the opposite gender and that is ok. They’re friends that is all, as much as your insecurities get in the way, you have to push them aside and realise they choose you.

It’s safe to say that social media can have its perks, such as being able to connect with people in different parts of the world, enabling them to stay in contact. However, it can be a hindrance to your mental health if you find yourself logging in every five minutes to check others pictures and what they’re doing. The best thing to do with social media is post what makes you feel good about yourself, don’t wallow in sorrow from comparing yourself to others.

We all have our flaws, we just have to realise that we are who we’re and we shouldn’t wish to look like anyone else.

2) Trust more

Trust is such a big aspect of a relationship, if you want to make it work, but it can also be the reason why couples break down. As I mentioned above, past experience can really break a relationship. Its not our faults and its something that we can’t heal from, its something that will always make us insecure and worried about any relationship we have and it will often affect the way we love someone, but it will get better.

If we do not trust our significant other, it can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, which can make the insecurities worse. Its a constant fear of what they will do when your not around and that can affect how you want to go on with daily life.

The problem is, its hard to get over the past, its hard to move on and it takes a lot of fixing, but eventually it does pass, when it does, you can focus on whats important and thats making the relationship you have work, without letting anyone or anything get in the way, then you will know you’ve overcome the experiences that brought out the worst in you and that will make you feel so much better.

3) Have confidence in yourself

Sometimes relationship insecurities stem from feelings of inadequacy. Doing whatever you need to feel good about yourself will combats those feelings, whether that means going to the gym, eating well or buying yourself a new outfit. The more confident you’re in yourself the more confident and secure you’ll feel in your relationship.

You can do many things to help you have more confidence in yourself, whether it be through changing your look to make you feel better or whether it be doing something you want and having the confidence to do it, for example being a photographer, singer, climbing a mountain, actress, you need confidence to excel in this and with confidence you can conquer anything.

If you’re more confident, you will have a better relationship with your partner and you won’t feel as insecure, because you will be making yourself proud.

4) Learn to open up

Opening up to people can be hard, but when its someone who is close to you, you should feel like you can open up that little bit more and it make you feel good. Just be honest with each other, if something doesn’t feel right in the relationship, talk about it, try and come up with a solution. Both of you should explain what it is you actually want in the relationship and be supportive of the decisions.

The best thing to do is let each other talk, don’t interrupt one and other or justify what they’re trying to say. The more you open up, the more comfortable you’ll feel in the relationship and it will feel a lot nicer to chat with each other about how you feel.

We all need someone to load our issues on to, without feeling like a burden and being able to talk to the person you’re so connected too, is what we need, we should never be afraid of talking about how we feel to the person who loves us so much, you’re both in it to help and love each other, not let each other down.

5) Seek help

If you still feel like you’re struggling with insecurities and they won’t go away no matter how much you try, which can happen, seek help. Talk with a doctor, because you could have relationship anxiety or relationship obsessive compulsive disorder, if the insecurities spiral into something more extreme and mess with your mental health more then they did before, they will help you deal with the problem.

You could go to couples counselling, if you feel like its affecting both of you and you don’t know if the relationship is going to go any further, don’t be afraid to get help, its perfectly ok to need extra support.

http://www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk

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          Journalism Student