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1) Give yourself some love 

When something like this takes place and you’re having to move on from someone you care about, it’s a process and it’s one that can be very tough. Be gentle with yourself, because it’s going to take some time for you to heal. Breakups are difficult to handle, so the first thing you’ve got to do is be there for yourself, breathe, take a break, take the time to process it. It’s a horrible feeling, trying to move past the thing you thought would last a lifetime. It demands a lot of strength and of course, it’s not going to be easy, but it is possible. Love yourself, do some self-care, make yourself smile, you deserve that. Get enough sleep, go out for a walk, eat nutritious food and drink plenty.

The worst thing to do to yourself is to make yourself get to a point of exhaustion, where you feel you can’t really be there for yourself. You need to have the strength to be able to do that and be able to show yourself some love. Making yourself reach a point where you’re extremely stressed by a certain situation, means that you’re not giving yourself time to be able to move on from it. But, when you take that step back, you start to see things a lot more clearly and give your brain the time it needs to be able to process the situation. Give yourself time to rest and recover, we all deserve a break.

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2) Don’t put too much blame on yourself

This can be very difficult, because quite often when we come out of a relationship, the first thing we do is blame ourselves. But, whether it was our fault or theirs, blaming ourselves will only make us feel a lot worse and that’s the last thing we need at that current time. Pointing the blame is not what that situation needs, it needs to be dealt with and to be pushed aside because blaming one another, will only add fuel to the fire and it could possibly be very difficult to deal with as it is. It’s one of those situations where you might feel angry and want to point the blame, but you know it’s best not to do that.

Just try to deal with it in the best way you can, don’t blame yourself, things sometimes fall apart for reasons that aren’t subjectively down to you or the other persons. Don’t expect yourself to be perfect, because no one really is and sometimes we all do things we regret and that’s the whole point of being human. There’s also something else that’s important and it’s to not blame yourself too much, if you’re the one that moves on too quickly or too fast, at the end of the day we all have certain speeds to process. Don’t feel bad for processing it quicker than they might, because it’s ok to do to it at your own pace.

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3) Stop checking up on them regularly 

This is something we’re all guilty of, even though the relationship has ended, we still feel the need to either message and check up on them, or check their socials. Of course, it’s so hard sometimes to move past what happened, it can be hard to just completely forget someone who you cared for. It is only going to make you feel worse doing that to yourself, the whole point is moving on, is not getting caught up in what they’re doing in their lives. What’s important is that you’re focusing on you and only you and how you’re going to come out stronger and put this behind you.

Allow time to let your wounds heal, but even when they’re try not to go down that path of checking up on them regularly. The thing is, that when you eventually heal from it, you might actually not even think about them in the slightest, meaning that you’ve completely moved on from them. Don’t keep beating yourself up checking if they’ve moved on, or if they’re happy or miserable, it’s not worth the utter heartache it’ll cause you. The most important aspect of moving on is that you be gentle with yourself and doing that will only make you feel so much worse. Avoid it and try your best to move on.

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4) Get closure

Moving on from someone you had deep feelings for is such a difficult moment to move past, but it’s one that sadly many of us have to go through in our lifetime. It may be that you find yourself often wanting to talk to them and often wanting to see if you can sort things out, but you’re scared you’ll fall back into that cycle again. Thinking that if you said one more thing, it could all be sorted out, but in reality, you know that isn’t the case. Having that constant feeling like something is unfinished because you never got the closure you needed. Not being able to move past that or not having that closure often means that very strong feelings can still occur.

Sometimes, just getting that closure is what you need to be able to move on, just to understand exactly what went wrong and to be able to push past it. It doesn’t have to be the case of you completely made up, even being civil works, just so that closure takes place. Perhaps, it could be an apology, of course, you don’t have to make up if you don’t feel like it, but perhaps apologising might make you feel better and get a hold on that closure a little bit more.

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5) Hang around with people that make you happy

This is so vital, when you’re going through something like a breakup, that you hang around with people that make your heart happy. They can have such a massive positive impact on how you feel, stay with the ones that help uplift you in any way they can, keep them close. The ones that remind you of the good aspects of yourself, but also talk to you when you mess up, not in a judgemental way, but a way that you’ll understand. It can feel that little bit easier when you have people around you who care for you and understand what you’re going through. No breakup is easy to move past, so let them be there for you.

Those people that are there for you in your darkest times, but also the ones that are there to see you shine, are the ones to keep close. Find those people that make you smile, when you just feel like crying. Make sure to keep in contact with them, go out with them if you’re feeling up to it, you might not feel like talking to many people, but the truth is once you do it, you might instantly feel a lot better in yourself. They will try to understand you and do the best they can to make sure that they make you smile even a little bit and they’re the kind of people you want around.

ONLINE COUNSELLING IS AVAILABLE CALL 07510495791 OR EMAIL BECKYWHOCARES1@OUTLOOK.COM

If you’re looking for any online counselling or walk and talk therapy whether you’re a parent and you’re looking for your children. You yourself need it or you’re a student or anyone that is struggling at this time, then please do not hesitate to contact Becky. You can access contact details here. Check out the website for more information.

Call MIND on 0845 766 0163 or email info@mind.org.uk

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Words: Karley Myall