A relationship breakdown is something that can really affect both the people involved as well as those around them. You have to understand that it is definitely not going to be easy and healing takes time. When you go through a breakdown or a breakup, it’s going through a grieving process in itself because you’re grieving the relationship you had or you’re missing what it used to be. Which is where heartbreak stems from, it’s understandable if you experience negative emotions during this time. separation is very painful.
There are quite a few common reasons for relationship breakdowns, these can include: family stress, loss of a job, financial strain, divorce, traumatic events, death of a loved one and toxicity, are a few of the reasons for relationship breakdowns. But, it’s important that if you have children and are going through one to not get into that habit of using the children as weapons, getting them to choose who they’d rather be with. As that is such a toxic form of behaviour in itself. Be there for your children and yourself and try and patch things up, if things don’t work out, don’t be at each other’s throats, just learn ways to move on, but still keep contact if you need to, perhaps for children.
1) Take time out for you
It’s important to get into that habit of realising that you need to have time for yourself, it’s vital that we as humans are able to adapt to having time to ourselves and knowing exactly when we should. If it’s affecting your daily life and you’re feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. Take yourself away from the situation, if you’re currently living with the person, perhaps make yourself your own space, so you can be apart whilst you deal with things. If you’re not living with them, then it is best to be able to have that time apart for a little while. Rather than just constantly arguing with each other and making things so much worse, time apart can do a whole world of good. It’s not to say that it will completely fix what’s happening but it will definitely help the situation and in turn, help you both not feel too burnt out in the process.
Just being in your own space for a while, is something that we take for granted, sometimes we need to just have our own company. To be able to collect our thoughts and try to understand what is going on, there’s nothing wrong with having a time out. It’s important to not only give yourself space but those that are also affected too. Relationship breakdowns are a very tough thing to have to go through, they take a huge toll on both people involved and also can impact children and other family members massively. It’s best to understand that when you need to have space, that is what needs to happen and that may also mean avoiding contacting them on social media and via phone call. Be able to understand just exactly why it is that you need to be able to have your space, in order to look after your own mental and physical health.
2) Let go of anger
Now, if there’s something that we hold on to a lot of the time through a relationship breakdown its anger, we often let out a lot of hate and just constantly feeling angry. But, it’s important to be able to in a way understand and let go of that anger, as much as you’re hurting. Holding onto anger can really hurt you, of course, we all experience it and yes it is natural to do so. However, something that can be really hurtful to you is holding onto it for a long time, not being able to let it go and constantly building it up to a point where you constantly just feel anger and nothing more. Start getting into that habit of taking deep breaths when you need too, don’t just skip the chance to be in the moment and breathe deeply. Try something known as visualisation which is where you take your mind off to what is called a ‘happy place’ something that makes you feel calm.
Check your perspective, when you’re experiencing high levels of stress it can often warp what you see as reality, making you feel like you’re alone and that the world is out to get you. Which, is obviously so far from the truth, but holding onto that anger can play with your mind. Of course, let go of some of that anger, don’t take it out on others around you but be sure to vent to people in a healthy way. Do something that lets your aggression out, perhaps a video game or boxing. By allowing yourself to express some of your anger it will stop you from bubbling it up inside and making it worse for yourself. Another great way to let go of anger is to recognise what exactly is triggering you, find alternatives, realise what is getting you down, learn to put your phone down, use noise-cancelling headphones and put on some good music.
3) Take care of your body
It’s safe to say that most of the time after a relationship breakdown has happened, we often get into this mindset of wanting to look our best to be able to get revenge. But, it’s such a punishment in itself, because it can really bring your self-esteem down massively. If you’ve gone through a breakup, don’t feel like you have to be someone your not in the process and after it has occurred, because you want to get back at them and in a way show them what they’re missing. It’s such a toxic mindset to go through because it means that you’re going to be putting yourself down constantly and striving for this unrealistic idea of perfection. If you ever want to change your looks or your lifestyle, you should only ever do it for yourself and not let anyone else be the reason to want to change yourself.
As well as the toxic mindset, it can also in a way bring on those feelings of rejection, just be yourself and only for yourself, because if you start putting yourself down and ruining your self-esteem, it takes so long to build that back up again. Instead, just get into the habit of taking care of your body, drink plenty of water, have a filling but nutritious breakfast, have those things you enjoy in moderation, get enough sleep. Get outside in nature and just moving your body that little bit more, will help wonders. These are all ways in which you can take care of yourself and are able to gradually feel better. When we’re going through a lot of stress, it takes a huge negative impact on our bodies and can lead to a really bad burn out. Of course, it’s normal to go through a range of emotions during a relationship breakdown. But, it’s so important that you take care of your body and mind, taking care of your body will be able to lift your mood.
4) Keep busy
One of the best ways to distract your mind is to keep busy if you’re feeling low or feel like you have got a lot of time on your hands, then you should definitely find things that keep you busy. It doesn’t have to be something excessive, it can be perhaps organising, cleaning, talking to friends or family, things like that just to keep your mind distracted for a little while. It could be about tapping into what you enjoy most, making more time for it. Things that you find a great distraction and that put a smile on your face, this could be reading a book, watching your favourite movie, doing a crossword, bake, learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, cook, play your favourite game, DIY, let your creative juices flow, learn to play an instrument. There are so many ways you can keep yourself busy and in turn, it will help you feel better and keep you distracted.
Of course, don’t feel like you’re doing too much and it’s burning you out slightly, just do enough to keep your mind distracted and to ensure that you’re doing things that make you feel happier. Taking care of your mind throughout the process is so important, the stress it is under is so harsh to it as well as your body. So, it’s important to be able to relieve it of that constant negativity for a little while. You will be able to see the difference from when you keep busy too when you just do nothing. There are so many benefits to keeping yourself busy and having that strength to distract yourself from what you’re feeling if it’s really getting to you.
5) Reach out, speak to someone you trust
Don’t face what you’re going through alone, having to go through any form of relationship breakdown is something that you shouldn’t have to face on your own. Speak to those around you that you trust and that you feel are able to bring some positivity into your life. Don’t tell people you don’t feel like you can trust or might put you down about the situation, because that will make you feel a lot worse. If you feel like you perhaps don’t want to bother those around you or you feel like it’s not making things any better. Then make sure to take it further and reach out to a professional.
Don’t feel embarrassed, seeking therapy is such a strength in itself and is in no way weakness and should not be seen as one. Of course, always be there for yourself and have a good support system but when you feel it is getting too much, then definitely talk to a professional, they’re there to show you support and to help you, not to judge you and that’s so important to know. Whether that is your GP or a counsellor perhaps even couples counselling don’t feel you have to face what you’re going through alone, there is always someone out there who will support you.
Check out, the previous blog on family stress.
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