A relationship breakdown is something that can affect both the people involved as well as those around them. You must understand that it will take work, and healing takes time. When you go through a breakdown or a breakup, it’s going through a grieving process because you’re grieving the relationship you had or missing what it used to be. This is where heartbreak stems from; it’s understandable if you experience negative emotions during this time. Separation is excruciating.
There are quite a few common reasons for relationship breakdowns; these can include family stress, loss of a job, financial strain, divorce, traumatic events, death of a loved one and toxicity, are a few of the reasons for relationship breakdowns. But, it’s essential that if you have children and are going through one, do not get into that habit of using the children as weapons, getting them to choose who they’d rather be with, as that is such a toxic form of behaviour in itself. Be there for your children and yourself and try and patch things up; if things don’t work out, don’t be at each other’s throats; learn ways to move on, but keep contact if you need to, perhaps for children.
1) Take time out for you
Getting into that habit of realising that you need to have time for yourself is essential. We as humans must be able to adapt to having time for ourselves and knowing exactly when we should. If it’s affecting your daily life, you feel overwhelmed and stressed. Take yourself away from the situation; if you’re currently living with the person, make yourself your own space to be apart while dealing with things. If you’re not living with them, then it is best to be able to have that time apart for a little while. Rather than just constantly arguing with each other and making things so much worse, time apart can do a whole world of good. It’s not to say that it will completely fix what’s happening, but it will help the situation and, in turn, help you both feel energised in the process.
Just being in your own space for a while is something we take for granted; sometimes, we need to have our own company. To be able to collect our thoughts and try to understand what is going on, there’s nothing wrong with having a time out. It’s essential to give yourself space and those who are affected too. Relationship breakdowns are an insensitive thing to have to go through; they take a significant toll on both people involved and can also impact children and other family members massively. It’s best to understand that when you need to have space, that is what needs to happen, and that may also mean avoiding contacting them on social media and via phone. Be able to understand just exactly why you need to have your space to look after your own mental and physical health.
2) Let go of anger
Now, if there’s something that we hold on to a lot of the time through a relationship breakdown, it’s anger; we often let out a lot of hate and constantly feel angry. But, it’s essential to be able to, in a way, understand and let go of that anger as much as you’re hurting. Holding onto anger can hurt you; of course, we all experience it, and yes, it is natural to do so. However, something that can be hurtful to you is holding onto it for a long time, being unable to let it go, and constantly building it up to a point where you continually feel anger and nothing more. Start getting into that habit of taking deep breaths when you need to; don’t skip the chance to breathe deeply in the moment. Try visualisation, where you take your mind off to a ‘happy place’, something that makes you feel calm.
Check your perspective; when you’re experiencing high levels of stress, it can often warp what you see as reality, making you feel alone and that the world is out to get you. This is far from the truth, but holding onto that anger can play with your mind. Of course, let go of some of that anger; don’t take it out on others around you, but be sure to vent to people healthily. Do something that lets your aggression out, perhaps a video game or boxing. Allowing yourself to express some of your anger will stop you from bubbling it up and making it worse for yourself. Another great way to let go of anger is to recognise what is triggering you, find alternatives, realise what is getting you down, learn to put your phone down, use noise-cancelling headphones and put on some good music.
3) Take care of your body
It’s safe to say that most of the time, after a relationship breakdown, we often want to look our best to get revenge. But it’s such a punishment because it can massively hurt your self-esteem. If you’ve gone through a breakup, don’t feel like you have to be someone you are not in the process after it has occurred because you want to get back at them and, in a way, show them what they’re missing. It’s such a toxic mindset to go through because it means that you will put yourself down constantly and strive for this unrealistic idea of perfection. If you ever want to change your looks or lifestyle, you should only do it for yourself and not let anyone else be why you want to change yourself.
As well as the toxic mindset, it can also, in a way, bring on those feelings of rejection, just be yourself and only for yourself, because if you start putting yourself down and ruining your self-esteem, it takes so long to build that back up again. Instead, get into the habit of taking care of your body, drinking plenty of water, having a filling but nutritious breakfast, enjoying those things in moderation, and getting enough sleep. Moving your body that minor bit of nature and getting outside will help wonders. These are all ways in which you can take care of yourself and can gradually feel better. When we’re going through a lot of stress, it has a substantial negative impact on our bodies and can lead to a nasty burnout. Of course, it’s normal to go through a range of emotions during a relationship breakdown. But it’s so crucial that you take care of your body and mind; taking care of your body will be able to lift your mood.
4) Keep busy
One of the best ways to distract your mind is to keep busy. If you’re feeling low or have a lot of time on your hands, you should find things that keep you busy. It doesn’t have to be excessive; it can be organising, cleaning, talking to friends or family, or things that distract your mind for a little while. It could be about tapping into what you enjoy most and making more time for it. Things that you find a great distraction and that put a smile on your face could be reading a book, watching your favourite movie, doing a crossword, baking, learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby, cooking, playing your favourite game, DIY, let your creative juices flow, learn to play an instrument. There are many ways to keep yourself busy, which will help you feel better and distract you.
Of course, please don’t feel like you’re doing too much and it’s burning you out slightly; do enough to keep your mind distracted and ensure you’re doing things that make you feel happier. Taking care of your mind throughout the process is essential; the stress is harsh on you and your body. So, it’s necessary to be able to relieve it of that constant negativity for a little while. You will see the difference between keeping busy and doing nothing. There are so many benefits to keeping yourself busy and having that strength to distract yourself from what you’re feeling if it’s getting to you.
5) Reach out, speak to someone you trust
Don’t face what you’re going through alone; having to go through any form of relationship breakdown is something that you shouldn’t have to face on your own. Could you speak to those around you who you trust and feel can bring positivity into your life? Don’t tell people you don’t feel you can trust or might put you down about the situation because that will make you feel worse. If you feel like you don’t want to bother those around you or it’s not making things any better. Then, take it further and reach out to a professional.
Please don’t feel embarrassed; seeking therapy is such a strength, and there is no weakness, and it should not be seen as one. Of course, always be there for yourself and have a sound support system, but when you feel it is getting too much, talkal. They’re there to show you support and to help you, not to judge you, and to a profession, and that’s so important to know. Whether that is your GP or a counsellor, perhaps even couples counselling, don’t feel you have to face what you’re going through alone; there is always someone who will support you.
Check out the previous blog on family stress.
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