1) Great need for control
One of the biggest traits to do with narcissistic behavior is the constant need for control, no matter what, they always strive to have that. Narcissists are quite prone to wanting everything to unfold in the way they want, it doesn’t always work that way. They want to always have this control, they constantly always demand to be in control of basically everything. This means that if a person who is in a relationship with someone who has traits of a narcissist, it means that they’re more than likely to take control over that person. They feel like they constantly have that control meaning that they will always expect the other person to behave exactly how they want them to.
Perhaps, this could be controlling who you talk to, how you look, or certain traits about you, because they constantly have to have that sense of control. It’s almost like you’re a character in their life, they decide what you do and how you live your life, even though that isn’t down to them at all. They constantly feel that they have this power over you and ensure that they always have that control no matter what. This is why it can be even trickier to break up with someone that is a narcissist because they will never take the blame and will often always put the blame onto someone else. Or, try to control the situation in order to make it more suitable for them, completely lacking in communication.
When it comes to dealing with someone who has tendencies to have traits of narcissistic behavior, you can often tell by the fact they constantly strive for perfectionism. In everything they do, they will always ensure that everything is perfect. That the person they’re with, should be perfect, anything they do in general should be perfect and they constantly want perfectionism. That life, in general, should play out exactly how they want it to be and that everything has to go their way, in order to keep up with the constant need to have this idea of perfectionism in everything they do. Not having the perfectionism they really want, will lead them to be dissatisfied with what is going on around them.
Not having that sense of perfectionism, will lead them to feel really agitated and wanting to change a lot about their lives and the other person, to ensure that the level of perfectionism is met. Constantly leading them to complain and not be happy with what they have at that current time. Always wanting to aim for that perfection, but then feeling really disappointed when they can’t reach that. Everything has to revolve around them and if it doesn’t they don’t enjoy that and constantly want to change things. It’s this constant need for it all to go their way, or it just won’t satisfy them in any way.
3) Perceiving everything as a threat
Even though they’re constantly the ones to show anger and threatening behaviour, they’re often very quick to misread things. Constantly, seeing someones facial expressions as negative and really picking up on that. Even though, they’re the ones that develop this inner anger, they feel that people around them do things that seem threatening, even though they’re doing nothing at all. Even apologising to them, can often backfire, unless you’re actually acting our your emotions, they won’t perceive them accurately whatsoever. They won’t believe that you and will often perceive what you do as an attack.
If they feel like your words and expressions aren’t congruent, they will often respond in a very negative and defensive way. This is why they can’t really take any kind of joke because they often take things way to seriously. Not being able to read body language properly, can often make them feel like the other person is being threatening even though they’re not at all. Feeling like everything is a personal attack, they don’t interprete other people’s actions properly and it can really mess up how they’re feeling. Believing that you can’t feel any different to them, because they don’t feel like that can happen and that you have to feel the same way they do, even though it doesn’t work like that.
4) Lack of empathy
Narcissists are definitely those kinds of people that have very little ability to show any empathy to anyone. Which is actually one of the most obvious traits in a narcissist is they genuinely don’t show any empathy and that can be something some people find quite easy to spot. They’re very selfish people and often only think about themselves, they don’t really care if they hurt anyone, they just solidly care about them and only them. They always believe that the way they feel is because of someone else, not that feelings can just occur in general. This makes having any kind of relationship with a narcissist very difficult because they can’t understand other people’s emotions, which makes communication and understanding someone else very difficult.
They find it very hard to understand what someone else is feeling and often just try to ignore if the other person is feeling sad or any other kind of emotion. As, they mainly just focus on how they’re feeling, not that they’ve hurt someone, they believe that they haven’t done that and that it’s someone else’s problem. If you make them feel vulnerable, they will be very upset about that as that’s the last thing they want to happen. They don’t want anyone to be able to upset them or make them feel bad because they often put the blame on others and don’t accept they themselves have hurt someone.
5) Lack of responsibility
This is another common trait because quite often narcissists lack responsibilities in many ways. But, of course, if everything goes their way they have nothing to worry about, as their desired outcome is there. When things don’t go as they planned, or they perhaps feel criticised in any way, then they will quite often place the blame on someone else. Feeling like everyone is out to get them, even if they aren’t, and constantly feeling like someone is always going to hurt them, but they themselves don’t have the ability to hurt others, from what they believe. It’s a common occurrence that the narcissist themselves will blame the person closest to them, the person they’re emotionally attached to.
They do this, because they feel like that person is someone that won’t leave or reject them, so they feel that it’s completely fine to be able to put the blame on them and upset them. They won’t admit they’re wrong and will constantly put the blame on someone else. Even if they did do something hurtful to someone, they won’t admit that, they will just continue to shove it off and ignore the fact that they really hurt someone. Constantly, doing that to the person closest to them, in the hopes that the particular person will in away just take what they throw at them, due to being in love with them, it’s a very vicious cycle.
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Words: Karley Myall